Should You 'Wait To Call Her Back'?

Taken from the dating tips mailbag of David DeAngelo.

If you've seen the classic cult movie "Swingers", then you probably remember the part where the guys are discussing how long a guy should wait to call a woman after he's gotten her phone number.

The scene really hits home for a lot of guys because it gets down to a real-world situation that we all confront and ponder.

I get a lot of emails from guys asking me what to do in this very situation.

The more I've thought about it, the more I realize that this particular question (and the answer to it) are part of a bigger, more important CONCEPT about how to deal with women.

Let me explain.

When a guy asks me "How long should I wait to call her?" this immediately tells me a few of things:

1) The guy doesn't feel like he's in control of the situation. If he felt like he was in control, then it he wouldn't ask, because it wouldn't matter.

2) The guy doesn't really "get" how male/female attraction works. If he did get it, then he'd be thinking in those terms rather than trying to figure out the exact best amount of time to wait before calling.

To put it differently, the "when do I call her back?" problem is part of a bigger concept, and once you understand that bigger concept better, then you'll have an automatic feel for when to call a woman back.

Most guys don't "get" one simple point:

If you want a woman to feel ATTRACTION for you, then you must behave differently than if you want her to feel that "just friends" feeling.

In the world of ATTRACTION, things are completely different.

For instance, our moms taught all of us guys to "be nice" to women. This usually includes being sweet and complimentary when first meeting them, answering all of their questions directly, and giving them what they want when they want it.

But if you want a woman to feel that INSTANT GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION right from the beginning, then you're going to have to put aside this kind of thinking, and start learning some NEW ideas.

For instance:

1) A challenge is generally attractive to women.

2) Teasing and being evasive is generally attractive to women.

3) Making fun of a woman's appearance in a flirty way, as counter-intuitive as it might sound, can lead to ATTRACTION.

I'm trying to communicate the idea that when you're dealing with ATTRACTION, you have to put aside old "normal" ways of thinking and behaving.

I would like to mention one more point before getting into the specifics here...

These days, people are becoming very sensitive to having "techniques" used on them.

If a salesman uses a sales technique on us, we immediately get defensive and resistant.

If a panhandler asks for money in a way that smells of "technique" we pass them by without pity.

If a business treats us like a "thing" or a number instead of an individual person, we avoid them or buy elsewhere.

We humans don't like having manipulation techniques used on us, and when we detect that someone or something is using one to get the better of us, we resist.

So let's get back to the "how long to wait before calling her back" issue.

If you think about it, every situation is slightly different. One time you might meet a woman in the morning at coffee, and another time you might meet a woman at a club at 1 in the morning.

If you wait too long to call her back, I think you run the risk of seeming like you're just using a technique on her and you come across as a player who's trying to do your thing on her.

When deciding how long to wait before you call or email, I think it's important to ask yourself this question:

"What will likely INCREASE THE ATTRACTION in this situation?"

Here are a couple of ideas I have used with great success:

1) Email instead of calling first. I personally email the next day. I'll start with a charming email to get the conversation started and then tell her that I'm going to call in a day or two.

This has the effect of making contact with her relatively quickly, but still creating
anticipation because you haven't actually talked.

2) Call the next day, and make a joke about the situation. I might call and say, "Yeah, I was watching Swingers and they said to wait three days to call, but I was kind of in more of a one day mood..."

If you didn't get her email address and you MUST use the phone, just do your best to avoid being AVERAGE.

I personally believe that our attention spans as humans are getting shorter and shorter. We have more and more information coming in from television, newspapers and other sources - and we're getting cultural A.D.D. I think that if you wait too long, you're risking either being seen as using a technique, or risking being forgotten
altogether.

But if you make the opposite mistake and call too soon (for instance a few hours later), you run the risk of being seen as a needy Wuss who has no life.

In past newsletters, I have written about why it's important to leave immediately after getting a woman's email and/or number.

How long you should wait to call her back is a natural extension of this.

As a matter of fact, if you get a woman's email/number and then you keep coming over to talk to her, it can almost be seen as waiting 5 minutes to call her.

There's no anticipation, and it says all the wrong things.

A couple of other quick pointers for when you're making that first call:

1) Be busy. If you're going to ask her to join you for tea or something similar, make sure you mention two times that you're busy for every one time that you're available.

2) Don't linger on the phone. Make that first call short and to the point. If you stay on the phone for more than a few minutes, you're running the risk of getting into a normal "What do you do?", "Where do you live?", "Where did you go to school?" conversation. Avoid this.

To summarize, when in doubt wait a day or so to contact her again.

But more importantly, think about the situation in terms of anticipation and ATTRACTION, so when you do make contact it creates the correct context.

And now I have another question...

Do you enjoy learning the PSYCHOLOGY of how to create ATTRACTION with women? And do you enjoy learning the psychology of how to create more internal confidence... and how to overcome your "Inner Game" psychological issues?

Yeah, me too.

In fact, I think that the PSYCHOLOGY of success with women and dating is the MOST interesting part.

Of course, if you'd like to get my best thinking on how to deal with different situations and make a woman feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for you, then you need to read my book "Double Your Dating". It's full of all my best thinking and ideas about how to attract the kinds of women that you've always wanted. Just go to:

Double Your Dating

Your friend,

David DeAngelo

Where To Meet Younger Women

Found this article that might be of interest to you all:

Dating online is so hot for Spring '06
By Tina Taus

You search and search for the elusive "one," yet you keep meeting the same creeps and jerks. Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places. Where do you meet that special someone these days?

For those with little faith in the dating game or too busy to get out and meet people, online dating is the latest trend. Toni Coleman, a relationship coach and psychotherapist specializing in online dating, said the number of people signing up for online dating is huge.

"I don't know very many singles that are younger that don't do it, especially those growing up with it," Coleman said. "With our culture and with people being so busy, for convenience of time and with the cyber-world we live in, [online dating] has become much more common.

"People are getting comfortable with putting their picture out there [on the Internet]."

As a relationship coach, Coleman helps people with their online ads. For example, she advises physicians to place ads in a manner they are comfortable with, considering their patients may use the dating website as well.

Coleman stressed online dating is no more risky than "regular" dating, saying all too often people are abused by those they date off-line. Coleman said websites have safety policies.

"They all have them... there are sites now offering background checks," she continued, adding online dating might be safer than meeting people casually on the street.

Aside from online dating, one common method for students, especially, is to avoid dating, and simply hook up instead. While people interpret the meaning of hooking up differently, it is generally a one-night stand with someone you have known for years, a few days or a few hours.

Coleman said most of the time, 'one-nighters' do not develop into relationships.

"Almost half of the people these days hook up compared to traditional dating," she said, adding 'hook-ups' seem to be common amongst older groups because people are too busy with their careers to find time to date.

"I think dating has gone out of vogue. Kids have gotten into this thing of going off into groups then splitting from those groups into couples,” Coleman said. “There is less commitment [with hooking up], no responsibility, but they get benefits. Guys especially have said they like this."

Coleman stressed the dangers that come with casual sex, calling the number of teens with STDs an epidemic. Coleman said although more teens and college students take sex lightly, she agrees that as people age this might change.

"I know it can lead to a relationship," she said, noting she knows many couples where, for them, hooking-up developed into a relationship.

How you meet people is up to you, although some may decide to leave it up to fate. Coleman noted some key qualities to a healthy relationship.

"I think in a healthy relationship there are a couple of things to look at: both have to have an equal level of commitment, both have to be ready for that commitment... also a sense of similarity is important, such as world views. Different values are a real problem."

*Check out this post, for a more detailed explanation of online dating from a pick up artist's perspective.

How Do You KEEP a Woman Attracted to You?

I'd like to tell you about one of the two most powerful attraction tools I know about. A way of getting women attracted to you that is slicker than a wet weasel on a linoleum floor, and twice the fun.

Fact is, if you put a gun to my head and told me I had only one thing I could do to get a hot woman attracted to me, there's no doubt in my mind that this is what I would pick.

By now, you're likely curious about what it is. Good. Stay with that for a minute, cause I want to see if you can guess what it is while I tell you the single most overlooked benefit of this powerful method of generating attraction.

Look, most guys have all of their focus on meeting women, and with good reason as that's where the challenge is... at first.

But let's suppose you've done it. You've met an attractive woman and things are going well, and you've got a regular thing going with her. Here's an important question:

How do you KEEP her attracted to you?

While you take a second to ponder that, I'll give you a hint...

You need to remind her that you are the man she's attracted to by doing some of what you did when you first met her.

Figured it out yet?

All right, I'll tell you... it's what we at PickUp 101 call 'Banter'. Banter can be defined as "Good-humored, playful conversation" or as "to speak to in a playful or teasing way."

Now, it's vital, no wait... critical, no it's absolutely frickin' essential that you get the key word "playful". Screw that part up and this just won't work.

You gotta peg the fun meter into the red, if this doesn't make sense to you, then honestly you might be beyond my help at this time.

My strong hunch is that you get this, but that like way too many guys, you think you don't know how to be playful or worse you think you don't have a sense of humor.

As the lads down under say "No worries mate!"

Playful means, what is playful for you. Some guys are super high energy like Robin Williams, and some guys are laid back and mellow like Marlin Brando, yet both can be playful in their own way.

Either way, we have a series of exercises we put you through to teach you how to do this quickly and easily.

In fact during our workshops, often it's the guy who's the quiet serious type that does the best withbanter. They come off in a sort of James Bond way (for you serious guys bond is a great role model to study banter from by the way) and it makes women frickin' crazy for the guy.

You've seen the Bond movies, where he meets a woman and delivers a teasing remark in his very dry British way. Here's an example from Diamonds Are Forever:

Bond Girl: "Hi I'm Plenty!"
Bond: "I'm sure you are."
Bond Girl: "Plenty O'Toole."
Bond: "Named after your father, perhaps."

I'll fill you in on what this communicates to a woman in a later message, for the moment just think about a hot woman and all the guys she meets. How many would answer like that? From my experience, almost none.

Here's a sample of banter from one of our instructors Sean. He likes to ask women direction on the street. He'll do this both in daytime game and nightclub game. If they hesitate or don't know he'll say:

"Oh my god, you have no idea, do you? You are so fired as my travel agent... you're just trying to get me lost because you think I'm cute and you want me to go with you!"

Now I'll let you in on a key element of why this works so well with women. It's 'role playing'. And not just any role, but roles that have you as an authority figure.

Some examples are:
You: Teacher Her: Naughty School Girl
You: Cool hip guy Her: Nerdy but loveable geek
You: Daddy Her: Bad little girl
You: Cat Lover Her: Cute little kitten

One more thing, and this is important... you must ACT the role as you banter. When you do this, women will respond and assume the other role because

Women Love To Role Play

They will 'get it' immediately and banter right back with you. They love it.

But it gets even better because they love a man who can do this with them and find that kind of man irresistibly attractive because he's fun, he's different, and only a man who is totally comfortable around women would ever talk to them this way.

That's how you get attraction in less than 3 minutes.

That's why it would be my choice if I could only do one thing I knew worked beyond a shadow of a doubt.

That's why we spend a lot of hours coaching you how to do it in workshop.

And that's why I devote an entire hour long CD to it in my Surefire Attraction Secrets program.

http://pickup101.com/cmd.php?af=362692&u=http://www.pickup101.com/ecourse/index3.html

I'll be telling you more about banter soon. But, it's too powerful for you to not begin using it right away. Banter is something you can practice everyday. Remember... PLAYFUL teasing.

But don't wait till you find a woman you want to meet to practice. You can do that with your friends, coworkers, waitresses, or family. If you wait till you find that woman you want to meet, you'll have to think about it too much.

Now, go meet some women!

Your Friend,

Lance Mason

Mystery Talking On The Blvd Of Sarging (Video)

I'm apologizing for the shitty resolution ahead of time (the audio is fine)! Listen to Mystery in this old video explain approaching techniques. This is just for kicks and giggles. (Only about 3 minutes long)

Enjoy, and YES... I do realize I've been posting heaps of videos recently.

More Women Turn To Online Dating!

I just read this article in Cosmopolitan magazine in which it published a "Guide To Online Dating" (for women). Don't ask me what I'm doing reading Cosmopolitan. Bastards =P

The article said some interesting things from a woman's perspective.

"If you think the online dating arena is a bastion of socially inept people who can't master bar-scene trolling, your watch -- Internet dating has actually become cool. "Since the '90s dot-com boom, more people are comfortable on the Web," says Jane Rinzler Buckingham, president of trend-tracking agency Youth Intelligence and a Cosmo contributing editor. "If we use it to find airline tickets and jobs, why not love?" Plus, it's efficient. "You can instantly get the lowdown on dozens of men," says Hannah*, 27, who has used her keyboard to connect with several guys.

Everyone is doing it -- because it works.

Nearly 18 million people visited personals sites in January 2001, according to Internet tracking firm Jupiter Media Metrix. Date.com averages one marriage per week between people who met on its site, and eharmony.com says it has matched more than a million users."

That's insane.

The reason I keep mentioning meeting women online, is because I've found it to be one of the places I meet really emotionally healthy women these days. Successful women tend to be busy and have a life, so online dating seems to be where some turn to, especially if you are in college, such site's like Facebook and Myspace are a goldmine.

As you may realize, a lot of single women read Cosmopolitan Magazine. The magazine took a poll of their female readers on their cyber-dating habits (meeting men online using online dating services). I wanted to pass along the results and I will tell you why after you read the following results:

86% of their online readers has given online dating a try.

41% said they tried it because they were getting frustrated with traditional ways of meeting men.

44% of the women said they would contact a man even it he did not post a picture of himself with his ad.

34% waited three months before meeting their online dates in person.

61% said they found their online dating experience rewarding.

55% think that online dating is a good way to meet men.

74% liked the guys they met online.

36% are in a relationship with someone they met online.

So, what do all these results tell you? You need to get online a meet some single women! This is such an easy way to meet women from the comfort of your home using your computer. This is not a replacement for going out in the field! You have to do that. However, it adds another dimension to your game.

Although I bet most of you that are reading this are Internet savvy. Which means you've probably already tried it with more than likely bad results. Also read this:

"It's ladies' night whenever you log on -- the Web is full of fine guys. Most
sites we checked out have a male registration of 65 percent; some even have two
guys for every female. Why? "Men are used to pursuing women, so the Web is just
an extension of that," explains Jeffrey Ullman, founder of the non-Web-based
Greater Relations Worldwide matchmaking service in Los Angeles."

Now that is a problem...

YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TO STICK OUT!

This is why I keep talking about the Meeting Women Online DVD's. They have heaps of little tricks, techniques and step-by-step plans for getting the most bang for your buck, and give you the WAYS to make your profile an instant chick MAGNET!

Check out the video previews for free here, and see if it's what you're looking for.

Donovan

Neil Strauss On ABC Primetime Live! (Video)

I've uploaded the Neil Strauss feature on ABC Primetime Live. It took a while but I've done it! Enjoy it. It features a Mystery Method bootcamp, the Cliff List Pick Up Artist Convention, and other cool stuff.



Donovan

Juggler and Neil Strauss (Video)

I've found this video that features Wayne Elise aka Juggler and Neil Strauss aka Style, at the "The Game" book signing. He guest wrote a chapter in "The Game" called "The Seduction of Style". Pretty cool.

Wayne Elise is the creator of the Juggler Method, which is mostly 'natural game'. His techniques are world famous now, and he runs Charm School workshops.

Donovan