In a Man's Own Words - What Do they REALLY Mean?

This is a guest post from a reader and friend in England, "Wubanger", @wubanger5 on Twitter.  We met on the site, traded a lot of tweets and have become very good friends for a year now.  He wrote a piece after one of our chats about how I (and women in general) overthink what a man means when he says something, anything really.   I know you'll enjoy the post and a peek into a man's real thoughts. ~ Smooches, The Single Mom

First off, this is my very first blog post, and therefore my very first guest post, so thank you kindly to my friend across the pond, The Single Mom for giving me this opportunity.  If you haven’t joined Twitter, it would be worth it to check out https://twitter.com/#!/singlemomdate/.  Go on, this post will still be here when you come back.  It’s worth it, and you won’t regret it.

It all started when The Single Mom (now known as SMD for the sake of my fingers) and I were having a conversation on messenger.  She mentioned she was just a normal person, and I shouldn’t expect too much.  I’m paraphrasing quite heavily here, but you get the gist.

The point is that my reaction to point out that men have been having to take that one comment and sew it with all the meaning it needs to get through a) a conversations b) a day, and c) a relationship.

The truth is, most men – the normal ones I mean, not the freaks that seem to stay in your memories long after the men themselves have moved on – they’re amazingly simple to work out.  When a man says something like “I want to go out with my mates tonight”, what it in fact means, is “I want to go out with my mates tonight”.

Notice that there’s some subtext going on.  We have made a decision.  We want to go out.  We want to be with our mates tonight.  If you pay attention, you’ll also realise that there are some things that you also should be able to infer from what we haven’t said.  For instance, it doesn’t mean that we need to rethink this relationship, or you’re crowding us, or even that the weird argument we had last week about the way we come in and leave the kitchen door open is still in our minds.

We really are a simple breed.  We try to say what’s on our minds, and it doesn’t take long. I think the only time when we do have something we’re keeping quiet about is when you ask the Big One.  The one that strikes fear into our hearts and that we have to keep secret.  You know what I’m talking about.

Its “what are you thinking about?”  There, I said it, I went there.  Its out.   So when we invariably answer “nothing”, we actually mean something along the lines of “The manager should have made the substitution!” or “that last round of tour of Duty was too hard, next time, I’ll come in from the other side”, or even “Has Mike sorted out that thing with his woman always wanting to talk to him so we can go out tonight?”  There’s a pattern to this, and we know that your interest in these subjects is slightly lower than wanting to get a biological analyses done of pond scum, so we don’t bring it up.  Its simple!

So the next time you want to know what we mean by something, and we tell you, just imagine that you’re talking to a group of people who really do say exactly what they think.  “I’m tired” does not mean “I can’t believe you wouldn’t let me go out with my mates tonight, so I’m going to sulk”.  We’re capable of communicating that just fine.

This is just one man’s perspective, so don’t read too much into it.  Feel free to leave a comment underneath if you’re wondering what that means.

Cheers

wubanger

Next post... another date with my new man, things are heating up and we are getting closer...

A Sexy & Smart First Date with a Smart & Sexy New Man

It was fun getting ready for a date again after having taken off the past few months to regroup.  I’d had my share of bad experiences on the front lines of dating and it was very unlike me but I was really worn down from the emotional rollercoaster of dating. I had one foot in the cat adoption shelter when I realized that it was time to put myself back out there again.

I talked to a few exes, traded some emails back and forth on the dating site again when one made a big impact on me.  I heard from someone I’d talked to and clicked with in the past.   We closed things very amicably last spring when he told me he met someone else and we both went separate ways.   I was happy and surprised to hear from him and when we started talking again, we fell back into a groove rather easily.

I was torn between feeling totally confident that I was ready to date again and totally second guessing that I was.  Taking a break from dating wasn’t something I’d ever really done, especially for a few months so I thought that the longer I waited, the harder it would be for me to get out there again.  I started to focus on work even more and was in a really good place.   Maybe I was in a good place to find someone who was also in a good place in life.

When we started talking on the phone, we clicked on a lot of levels and wanted the same things from life.  We have both become weary from dating and have had similar experiences with love and disappointment.    Yet, we both are hopeful and maybe unrealistic but yet want to find love.   Our first phone call lasted almost two hours and ended with a date for Friday night.   We talked again a couple of times before the date and didn’t run out of things to talk about. 

He’s a few years older than me, has a son a little younger than my youngest and our interests are a lot alike.    Talking to him was very easy and from his pictures he seemed very easy on the eyes too.

Friday couldn’t come soon enough and I know we were both feeling a mixture of excitement and nerves to finally meet.  He sent me a text Friday morning telling me how excited he was that the day was finally here.   I felt the same and fortunately had an extremely important day filled with lots of pressure and meetings all over the city to keep my mind off of the evening.

When the day was finally behind me, it was time to run home and get ready for a date again.   It was actually somewhat nerve wracking and exciting to be applying makeup, straightening my hair and choosing clothes to go out on a date.   It had been a long time and I told myself that since my excitement for the night outweighed my jitters, it convinced me that I was ready to put myself back out there again.

My date and I talked a few times before and I knew that he loves sexy shoes.  So, choosing an outfit started with my red heels, RAWR!  (I never promised that I play fair, did I? Nope.)     I chose a cute blouse with cutout sleeves, but not revealing.  I also wore jeans and pops of red accessories (maybe a red bra that the straps might “accidentally” show a little).    I wanted to look finished but not overdone.   I applied my makeup very carefully and used my secret weapons, yummy perfume and hair perfume too.   (Again, back to the not playing fair thing…)

From the pictures I’d seen of him and our conversations, he was good looking and very athletic.  Looks are definitely not tops on my list and he is definitely one of the most handsome men I’ve dated in awhile.   It didn’t hurt his chances, but it made me a little more nervous.    He’s several inches taller than me and stays in great shape.   

He lives about 40 minutes from me and he offered to drive to my area for the date.  He chose an Irish pub (the same one that a lot of my blog is set in) and holds a lot of happy and fun memories for me.    I drove there quickly and nervously.   He arrived right on time, and I was a couple minutes behind him.   He texted me that he was at the entrance waiting for me, I was sneaky and came in through the back entrance to find him patiently waiting for me alone in the breezeway.

We seemed to recognize each other immediately and the hello smiles and hug quickly turned into a hello kiss right on the kisser.   Well, hellooooah there.    Admittedly, I was a little nervous and it was hard to judge our kissing compatibility based on that impromptu kiss.   This became fodder for teasing and joking over beers for the next few minutes.   We were seated at the very crowded bar, the conversation and the beers were both easily flowing.   It felt very comfortable being with him and he even said so, almost reading my mind.

I was relieved and excited when he made his attraction for me obvious.  He put hand on mine or he stroked my hair and purposefully touched the small of my back where my hair ends.   It was sexy and flirty, and I’m sure we were being a little too much for public, but we didn’t care.    We talked very easily and spent a lot of time laughing during the conversation.   He leaned in closely to both intentionally take in my perfume and to let me smell his cologne – knowing it was my weakness.   

He stopped and said, “Mmm you smell so good and you are so beautiful, wow, just wow” as he leaned in to kiss me again.   The kiss melted both of us and maybe those around us too, ha ha.    After we shared the kiss, we both gazed at each other without speaking for what seemed like minutes.   Although we were in a crowded bar and there was a game on tv right over our heads, it felt like we were totally alone together.

I played with my hair in a flirty way and he commented how it made him crazy.   I answered by biting my lower lip, looking at him and leaning in to kiss him but pulling back in a playful way.    The time flew so fast and I needed to get home for an early day at work the next morning.  

We walked out of the bar, hand in hand we made our way outside on a warmer than normal Midwestern February evening.   After we turned a corner and had some privacy, he kissed me with more passion and pressed his muscular body against mine, pinning me up against a concrete wall.     Our kissing became intense and passionate, peaking with him grabbing my hands from around his neck, holding them over my head while holding my chin in his other hand kissing me harder still. 

His kisses trailed from my mouth down my neck while I was helpless pressed up against the building.   I could feel his hard body pushing against mine as I exhaled and moaned directly in his ear.   His hand gently caressed the outline of my breast before he intentionally adjusted my lacy, red bra strap on my shoulder.

We took a momentary breather from kissing and talked about how we both wanted more but that we wanted to wait until we knew each other better.   He asked me to be careful of his feelings, which was really endearing to me.   He also mentioned that he was excited for me to meet his son and how he definitely wanted to see me again.    So, here is a guy who is good looking, funny, likes shoes and is into me…?   This seems too good to be true, but is it?   I’ll definitely be smart about it and we will see if he sticks around for a nickname…

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Tips For Online Dating Success

A few do's and don'ts of online dating

If you are new to the world of online dating and don't know its finer nuances, then you need to keep the following points in mind:

1. Create a screen name that is interesting. Avoid using one that is too sexy or hints at marriage. A screen name that includes your name should also be avoided. A screen name that is based on your looks may be most appealing to men.

2. You may be tempted to send e-mails to all the attractive guys with your zip code. If you are a little patient you my find that some of those men will contact you. If someone you fancy does not contact you, send him a short e-mail and then wait for him to follow up.

3. Avoid answering any questions you would not answer on a first date. Don't tell your date anything about your income or past relationships. It is not a good idea to tell him about how much you want to get married.

4. Include more than one photograph. Men find the visual aspect much more attractive. If you post many photos, a man will get a better idea about how you look and whether you are his type, before he meets you.

5. Don't communicate with a person who refuses sending you his photograph. He may have something to hide.

6. A person who only sends you his picture or his profile may not be worth a response. If he doesn't have the time to write you an e-mail, it is not worth wasting your time on him.

7. Always wait at least 24 hours before you respond to your date's e-mail. If you respond too quickly, he may get the impression that you are too desperate or that you have too much free time.

8. Don't log on to your personal website or answer e-mails on a Friday or Saturday. You must give the impression that you are not available, even if you are.

9. If a man does not respond, stop e-mailing him. If he is really interested in meeting you, he will contact you and ask you out for a date.

10. If a guy doesn't ask you out even after four e-mails you need to think about where the relationship is going. Keep mentioning that you are going out with friends and consider stopping all communication with him.

11. There is no need to keep your e-mails short. Sticking to three-line e-mails can seem strange to someone who sends you a long e-mail.

Online Dating Gifts

The advent of internet technology and business ideas that find expression within the paradigms of the industry, have resulted in enhanced interactions between people from all over the world.

The interactions may be with different intent, but the opportunities to be tapped are always many. The reason for online dating being a profitable indulgence, personally, is that it is basically a dedicated process. The online dating concept aims at match making via a dedicated dating system that is put into place to offer visitors and members the chance to meet other interesting people who are narrowed down according to the preferences specified at the time of registration. There are a number of free online dating sites too, but they should be used with absolute discretion and only after conducting preliminary research.

The sole purpose of the online dating effort is to enable the members who access the site regularly to meet new and eligible matches, an opportunity of a lifetime. This comes from the fact that the members can specify the geographical location of the prospect sought. The term by itself is very exciting to imagine and online dating seems the answer to the aspirations of men and women from around the world to meet their dream partner. Online dating enables members to narrow down their search for company, by saving on time and effort.

The pros of online dating include the fact that you do not have to indulge in expensive and unnecessary socializing at bars or discotheques. The entire concept of online dating is centered around people from all over the world grouped into compatible age groups. This enables well-designed and structured interaction and eliminates the need for formal introductions by friends and family members. The system enables people of all ages to interact with one another in a private and low profile environment.

Online dating enables you to tap technology to provide a choice that no offline resource could ever offer. There are dedicated online dating resources that cater to communities all over the world. The concept is designed to attract the prospects for you and enable you to avail of quality listings that are in accordance to the preferences emphasized by you. Online dating forums have grown along with the idea. The unique ability to establish contact with people beyond geographical constraints widens your horizons.

The Dating Revolution

The Information and Technology Revolution has geared the net savvy to tap into internet resources that offers much promise. The ability to connect in an instant and the amount of information you can access at a click on the mouse is amazing. Activities of every kind are now available online and this includes the popular indulgence of online dating. This option offers people of all ages the ability to interact with persons of the opposite sex. This enables the possibility of dating, great relationship building and even marriage.

Online dating sites offer access to a number of prospects that are matched up to your personality via the information you provide while signing in as a member of the site. Once you sign in, you can take your pick and experiment. However, it is important to note that the people you interact with online are complete strangers. You have to use your discretion and never reveal all just because you think the person is perfect for you. For online dating to be a success, you need to follow the rules. If you are careful, the interactions via online dating could culminate in good and lasting relationships via the information shared in the chat rooms.

When your profile is matched, always initially indulge in some very casual enquiries and sum up the person from day 1. If you feel that the profile simply builds on the basics in good time, by the time you share ‘how you spend your weekends’ and ‘your dream holiday destination’, you should be ready to meet. The meeting should always be in a social setting and amidst other friends of both. If you feel drawn to the person for the extended warmth and the conversation online, you can plan another meeting. Look for signs like unexpected and purposeful show of intimacy and the incessant need for another private meeting soon expressed by the person. These are warning signals. A relationship, a good one at that, is always based on compatibility and trust and a great comfort level. The moment you sense that one of you is causing the other to feel stifled, you should reconsider.

Online dating offers people from around the world opportunities to interact with others beyond any geographical constraints. This unveils a whole world of opportunity for anyone including loners and the older singles. If the connectivity is put to good use, it can optimize your chances of getting into a relationship that has the elements of mystery, charm and trust, depending on how far you want to go. The adventure aspect of such a proposition is very alluring and the do’s and don’ts are clear for any level headed individual to see and act by. Online dating sites enable you to upload the information you wish to share and strike contact almost instantaneously in the chat rooms. There are many people who swear by the success ratio of online dating because of the healthy relationships they enjoy. There are a few upsets as well, but if you weigh the pros and cons, you realize that discretion and caution are the two magic mantras of online dating.

Dating and Relationship Tips

Since Dating and Relationships are such a large, important part of everyday life, this article strives to help clear up myths from facts and present an overview of surrounding issues.


Show Off – If you have a great body you’re trying to show off and young physical appearance, yet worry because you still seem to have difficulty finding dates and establishing relationships, here are some pointers. Turn off the “ME” focus. Others tend to see that as boorish and think you only care about yourself, not others and certainly not them. Instead, turn the focus on outside interests that the other person can relate to, even if it has to be the weather. For help, tune in to an online news source like CNN or subscribe to a national or other major newspaper or magazine like Newsweek or head to the public library for the latest news briefs.

Online dating might be a good outlet for you, to as it generally offers a place to list all your great physical qualities as well as outside interests and more, presenting a more rounded dating candidate. Then those who are VERY interested in great abs, youthful appeal, etc. will be able to check you out. And those who are interested in the other interests can focus on those, too.

Sit, Don’t Take a Stand – Instead of voicing your opinions over issues that you pretty well know, cause heated arguments, don’t take a stand. Just sit them out. There’s no shame in passing up an argument. For example, if you both call yourselves “Christians,” yet one of you firmly has a complete set of rules and regulations about what a “Christian” really is, and doesn’t hesitate to voice this, skip over conversations about religion. If you have to, simply say something along the lines of, “This gets us too heated, so let’s pass on if for now and move on to something else.” Agree that it’s okay to disagree. Because it is!

Traditions – Keep up with some old traditions from each family. Alter some; create new ones. The main thing here is to make positive memories that you can share and relive over and over, especially during rough spots when you can’t remember why you are together. Traditions can be like glue and bind you with a common past.

Sex Vs Love – Sex and love are not the same thing. Learn the difference and don’t measure love by your hormones.

Negotiator – Forget “his” and “hers” roles and who “should” do what when…Learn to negotiate. What works one day may not work another when timing is off, kids are on the run and disaster strikes, for instance, when your mother-in-law drops by unexpectedly.

Love and Hate – Love your mate. It is OK to strongly dislike (or “maybe” hate) a behavior, like cracking knuckles or biting nails. But remember to love the person.

First Date Tips For Men

When you’re finally ready to meet someone on a first date who you’ve met online, you’ll want to have a great first date idea in mind. First dates can sometimes be a bit difficult to work out since there are many things that you want to take into consideration. Your final choice for a first date idea will depend on how much you want to spend, whether it’s a day time or night time date, and the interests that the two of you share. Since you met online you’ve probably each shared your likes, dislikes, and interests, so narrowing down something to do on your first date should be easy.

You might want to choose an inexpensive date for the first time around so that you can each pay your own way and not feel obligated to pay for a second date. Some good inexpensive date ideas include:

* The movies. Going to the movies is always a good choice since it breaks the ice while allowing both of you to get a feel for the other person. Let your date choose which film you’re going to see. Don’t plan for coffee afterwards; make the decision for coffee or a drink after the movie is over since you don’t want to assume that you’ll want to spend time together after the film has finished.

* A picnic. If this is a day time date consider going on a picnic if the weather permits. Take along a basket of food and wine and enjoy the day just relaxing in the sun as you get to know each other.

* Museum or art gallery: If you know that you both enjoy art or history this is a great first date idea. You can spend a couple of hours doing something that you both enjoy so there will be less tension and stress

If you’re feeling a bit more extravagant there are some expensive dates that you can go on. Keep in mind that you want to be sure that your date is comfortable with these types of dates since they require a bit more planning and consideration:

* Concert: Take your date to a concert. This type of date will need planning ahead of time so that you can make sure that you have the tickets in hand. You’ll also want to make sure that your date is interested in the concert that you’ve chosen.

* Dinner: An expensive dinner is a nice way to celebrate a first date but should be reserved for someone you feel particularly attracted to. Expensive dinners can often send a message to your date that they are worth it but might also convey the feeling that there is another date in the future.

* Theater: Tickets to the theater are perfect if you and your date share the same enthusiasm for the stage.