Texting Eliminates Flakes

There are lots of theories on how to get the solid date and avoid flaking, but recently I've tested and proven an approach that works every time.

You have to just assume you KNOW when you're together whether or not it's on for the future. You can feel how strong the connection is. If it's really there, just don't screw anything up. Send her a cute SMS the next day, let her reply, then SMS telling her when you'll call. Then call, have a short, fun chat, and set the date and time to meet again.

Don't overthink this stuff or try to overgame with phone and SMS. This may be the biggest community-induced mistake I have had to undo. If she gave you her real number, she already likes you. So just assume all you need to do now is make it easy for her to get in contact with you.

Use text first. Calling first is always more of a risk because people do NOT answer their phone unless they know the number (and people like me don't answer their phone even if they know it, choosing instead to time-shift with voicemail).

The text allows her to see who it is, and lets her THINK and FEEL about you before replying. It lets her remember. It also prepares her to talk to you, so she's looking forward to it.

Personally I have always HATED the phone. I hate when the phone rings, I hate talking on it, I hate not being able to see the person, etc. But I love little notes. That's what text is. Little love notes passed in class to keep the fire going until you see each other again.

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Here's my classic failsafe... I've probably sent some variation on this 1000 times.

"hey cutie... it's weird... i was just thinking of you... :-)"

With text, be quick and cute. Don't go for too cocky. Remember, cocky doesn't work without body language and non-verbal cues. Your text should be like a cute little note you drop in her purse that pings her to remember the good feelings she had when with you. That's all.

My RULES for text messages:

1. I always address them with pet names like darlin', sweetie, cutie pie, sexy, gorgeous, adorable brat, etc.

2. I use proper grammar. I don't use the normal abbreviations. If you do, U R 2 stop. I do abbreviate stuff like family to "fam", San Francisco to SF, etc. I hope I don't have to say this, but NEVER USE LEET SPEAK (wikipedia it if you don't know). Know the difference between "your" and "you're", "to" and "too", etc. A side rule to this, the more sexual the message, the more proper the grammar you should use. Which feels sexier, "I want 2 slowly kiss Ur lips…" or "I want to slowly kiss your lips…"?

3. Sign your name when it is the first one or two text messages you send (credit: Robert1). All you do is write your text, then at the end add "-Sean." Replace "Sean" with your own name though, or include my cell phone number in the text if you don't.

4. I use a lot of smiley faces This replaces the big friendly smile you would have on your face when you deliver a banter line. Text messages should basically be banter lines. I do not use any other faces other than smiley faces. No winky face no "P" face (I actually don't even know what this is supposed to mean), etc. Some might disagree, but personally I think this borders on leet speak, which is not ok. Furthermore, I want my words to convey my message. If my words, punctuation and a smiley face aren't enough, then I feel I am doing something wrong.

5. I use rich descriptions. If I do say how I am doing, I make it descriptive. In response to "how R U?" I might reply "Just saw the sunset over the bay, the sky's glowing orange - looks incredible!"

6. Jump on the offers a girl makes. An "offer" is a term from improv acting. It is when one actor says something that describes something about the other actor.

Example, one actor says to the other, "I like that large funny hat you have on", the other actor then would go on with that theme of wearing a large funny hat.

It is a little different with text messages, but if a girl sends you something that you can make fun and sexy, do it. For example, I got a text message from one of the girls the other night, "buenas noches. Dulces suenos guapo." [translates: good night. Sweet dreams, handsome]. I replied the next morning by writing, "good morning, beautiful. Have a good day." Except I wrote it in french. I took her theme, and replied in a way that was similar, but original and charming.

Your TOOLS:

Brevity: You have to say everything very quickly. If you can't say it in about 10 to 20 words, then rework it until you can. It is ALWAYS possible to flirt in less than 12 words, in my opinion. If you don't think so, "you are a dork :) " (see, it is that easy). Get rid of everything and anything that is not necessary, by not necessary I mean not flirty and fun.

Punctuation: The main punctuation techniques I use are CAPS, ellipses… exclamation!!! Question marks?? both?!?!, [brackets], and (parenthesis). And smiley face as I mentioned before :) These all have different emotional effects, use them! Caps are REALLY EXCITING!! Wtf?!? [roll my eyes] don't make me.. come over there… and wrap my arms around you… (I won't spank tooo hard)

Five Fundamentals to Get Girls Today

(by Sean Newman, Pickup 101 Senior Instructor)

The dreaded death of mojo.

We all face it.

You wake up and the first thing you think is "I have to go back out there and do it again."

Doesn't matter if you've been picking up girls your whole life, or if you just started. The strong pull to do nothing never goes away.

Entropy. The tendency of ordered systems to fall apart and settle into inactivity.

Sloth. The desire to stay in bed and do, as we all learned from "Office Space," nothing. Absolutely. Nothing.

But the girls are out there. They are there every morning getting coffee, waiting for trains and busses, walking to work, walking their dogs, doing stuff. Commerce. Activity. Life.

And you know that when you are having a good day, it can be easy to just strike up that flirty conversation and spark something. We've all had at least one night, maybe with good friends at a party, or a bar you really like, when it seems like no thing to turn your volume up a little bit more and run your silly fun little lines on the cutie who catches your eye.

We all already have mojo. But we don't control when it's on, and when it's off.

What do you do on those days when your mojo is sleeping?

How do you wake it the fuck up?

Here's are the 5 Fixes I use to get myself going every day.

It doesn't matter how long you've been doing this or how good you are at it. Remember, the best pickup artists in the world don't even think of it as pickup. It's not something they do. It's just something they are, every minute, every day.

Do these five things, and you'll peg your switch to ON all the time, and you'll never let an opportunity pass by again.

1. Say Hi to people and give smiles every single day.

Simple smiles and greetings, especially in places where that is not expected, change the way you feel. When you talk, you are out of your head. And your head is a very comfortable, but lonely, place to be. If you're only motivation for doing pickup is to bust a nut, you'll never be happy. But if you can consider that being a nicer, friendlier person is a gift to others, it takes the pressure off you.

2. Flirt before noon.

I don't wait for Friday or Saturday night to roll around. I schedule visits to places every morning where I know I'll run into cute girls, so I can keep approaching and keep re-enforcing good habits and good results.

The nice thing about flirting with girls in the daytime is that all you need is one banter line, and you are almost always going to get a smile.


3. Walk, and walk with a purpose.

Be aware of your body language every day. If you catch yourself feeling nervous or stressed, get up and walk around. Force a smile onto your face. Breathe deep and slow. Get moving.

4. When in doubt, just make her smile.

Every passionate relationship begins with the man doing something to make the woman feel good. There are lots of ways to start this... banter and teasing, sexy eye contact, or absolute sincerity. If you get stuck, or in your head, stop thinking about it as a pickup, and set your goal just at making her smile. Be selfless. You are a gift you share with women.

5. Go back to basics.

Instead of trying to run a scripted 20-minute stack, just do the pieces. Go back to warmups like you learned in Art of Attraction. Stop cute girls and ask them what time it is. Willfully lose yourself in the city so you can ask directions.

And when you really need a karmic boost, go with the old standard sincere compliment.

"I know this is a little random, but I had to tell you that you are very cute."

Start it by acknowledging that what you are about to do is a bit unusual. This shows your social intelligence and puts her at ease. Then tell her just what you think. Every healthy man finds attractive girls cute. There's always something there that catches her eye. And you know she spends most of her time and money working on it.

So tell her. Be a man who makes his world better, and you will find the world making things better for you.

These five fixes may sound a little too basic. I know, you want the super-advanced magic words to make panties just melt right off her thighs.

The truth is there are no magic words. There are no shortcuts, and there is no new technology that makes girls want sex more than ever before.

There are only fundamentals, and guys who do them well. Make these fundamentals part of your daily routines, and watch your results, and your total happiness, skyrocket.

It's pure pickup karma. The more good you do for others selflessly, the more it comes back to you. Stop worrying about how to get her home that night or destroy her boyfriend or overcome her socialized resistance.

Do it for her, not for you. You will get more comfortable and more confident, and then when you see that smoking hottie across the bar and know you have to wade through a see of stalkers to get to her, you'll have your mojo running high and a real smile on your face.

Mojo makes you a superhero. Learn to build it and bank it, and you can do anything.

How to Kiss a Girl

Question from a PickUp 101 student that I just had to share...

"I was out at the bars yesterday and really hit it off with a girl I met there. We started making out, but then she started talking about how important it is for a guy to be a good kisser. Does anybody know of any good resources out there on the subject of kissing and how to be a good kisser?"

The very best way to learn is to get as much experience as possible.

This is where a real girlfriend, as opposed to lots of random pickups, can come in handy.

I got my first real girlfriend at 15, and I remember our first date was a Def Leppard concert that ended with 6 straight hours of making out. No sex. Just kissing and learning what felt good.

And with every girl since then, I've spent more time kissing than doing anything else. So go ahead and take your time. It's ok to not know just what to do yet... you're supposed to learn this one from doing.

Don't waste time looking for books or how-to's or anything. You have the best resource in the world in a girl who will TELL you what she likes. Ask her, and then listen. She says to go slow, go slow. Use more lips, less tongue.

And most important, don't EVER take it personally when a girl suggests something to you to make kissing or sex or anything else more fun for her. She's not trying to hurt your ego. She's giving you a gift that most guys would kill for. Pay attention and practice. Really pay attention. It's all trial and error. If you touch a spot and she moans, remember that spot. If you bite on her lip just a little and she goes weak, that's a good sign. But all girls are slightly different, so there's no sure-fire technique that always works.

Learn the basics through practice, and look to practice all you can. Hell, tell girls how much you love just kissing, and how you love girls who really enjoy it too. Chances are they'll be interested in sharing the experience with you!

You'll get it, kid. I mean, people learned how to kiss before the internet, so there's got to be some way.

- Sean

P.S. Donovan here.... Thanks Sean for the post. I've done a lot of making out, a lot of it is INSTINCT, taking it slow, and seeing what SHE does. Normally, attractive girls probably have alot more experience, so take there lead. THREE pointers: 1. Don't be too forceful 2. Don't be to lax. 3. Be submissive, then aggressive, and vice versa. Seems to work well for me.

He Said/She Said: A Perfect Pickup and Both Sides of the Story

A new kind of field report. His story and her story. If you want to get the girl AND make her happy, you need to know what she thinks, and what she feels. You need to know HER story.



I met my girlfriend one sunny afternoon in the city. I was in the middle of teaching Art of Rapport I didn't know her, and she didn't know me, but after 10 minutes, we felt like we were supposed to know each other.

This is the story of how it happened.

Both sides of the story. Mine and hers.
He Said/She Said:

Him: She is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Warm, honey skin, soft brown eyes, long lashes, silky hair flowing under a funky cap, just a touch of sparkly blue eye-shadow, and a sly smile under pillowy lips.

Her: First of all, let me tell you something about myself. I'm not your typical shy, submissive asian girl. On the contrary, guys are intimidated by me. I'm very sensible and I'm very proud of my logical brain.

Usually with guys, I can sense the bullshit coming miles away. I tend to be very dismissive of guys' so-called "lines." And i thought i was immune to pick-ups. that is, until i met Sean. He blew me away and i was just too taken aback to react with my "logical brain."

And one more thing, about the time that this happened, i was a little upset about boys, the last thing i want is to date one.

Him: It's a crowded Sunday in a little café in Union Square in San Francisco. Workers are putting up the giant Christmas tree, and shoppers are everywhere. It's not quiet, calm, and peaceful. People are jostling about, and everyone can see everything. Perfect. Put this on display for all to see -- this is exactly what I have prepared for.

Her: It was in November. I was really tired that day and i was dazed. I just wanted to get my cafe mocha and sit. There were a lot of people in the little cafe, standing in line, wanting to buy the pretty little pastries displayed on the glass window. I remembered being a little annoyed with the crowd. So crowded and loud, i just want to be away from the noise. I smiled at the guy behind the counter and flirt a little. And then, off with my coffee.

Him: Get in line for food and keep looking at her. I fix her image in my mind. I look away. Let the nerves build up. Feel it in my chest, in my heart. I want this beautiful girl. I want her so much. I want her to have my kids, and her kids, and walk hand-in-hand on the boardwalk on the beach, win her giant stuffed animals for her at games of chance, snuggle on Sunday mornings, and buy her sparkly things to make her smile. I let all the silly and wussy and once-again-silly thoughts fill me up. I will use them as fuel.

I will walk up to her, alone. I will have no pretext, no introduction, no excuse. It will be her, and it will be me, and in this secret world, we will be. I want the nerves. I want the fear. I want this to be hard. For a man who didn't know what he was doing, that would make it impossible. For me -- for me it makes it perfect.

Her: My friend was at the corner of the cafe, trying to find us seats. We have to be like vultures, otherwise we have to sit outside drinking coffee in the chilly november weather. We finally managed to find a nice square table tucked away in the corner of the cafe. I took the seat facing the window outside with my back towards the line of people.

Him: My single 100%-perfect girl takes a seat at a table right behind me -- with her 99%-perfect girl friend. She's here, now. I know from experience if I leave now, without meeting her, it will wake me from a sound sleep when I am old and grey, and the not knowing will haunt me like a ghost.

Fuck it. I have studied, practiced and worked at this for a reason. This girl is the reason. She is the one that brought me here today. When you find the princess, she will not be waiting for you on a bed made of Twinkies and tits. She will be in a castle, guarded by a dragon, behind a wall of flames. Walk through the flames.

I step out of line. Walk to her table. I feel every eye upon me. Stand at their table. They both look up.

I say nothing. I don't worry about what to say. My hands are down, my eyes are steady. I open my mouth.

"I was on my way out, and I saw you."

"I couldn't leave without meeting you. May I sit?"

Her: The second after we sat down, right before i opened my mouth to chatter away, i felt a soft tap on my left shoulder.I looked up and saw this big, white guy wearing a blue shirt looking down on me. The first thought that flew to my mind, "hmm, maybe he wants the empty chair."

I smiled at him, ready to give the answer, "yes, you can have the chair." But, all the time, he kept holding my gaze and then moments later he uttered the most unexpected words, "i was on my way outside"(Pause..), and i saw you. I just have to talk to you."(pause)..may i sit down?"

Him: They both stare at me. The room stares at me. I wait. She says yes. I reach back to table behind me and grab a chair from another table without asking. Is someone else using it? Not anymore. Chair bangs against other chairs. It appears unsmooth, but I don't care.

Her: The way he said it, it was so soft, and felt so genuine and his expression, it didn't feel fake. I think my brain stopped working, because, before i can think of anything to say, i felt my right arm gesturing to the empty chair next to my right and said, "sure." He sat down and kept holding my gaze, and didn't say anything. I felt very awkward and felt compelled to say something first (keep in mind i have a friend who sat next to my left and she had this shock expression on her face.and i know she won't say anything). After the proper introduction, i asked him what he was doing?

Him: I sit. Look at her -- gently, but seeing her. I don't say anything. A year passes. She asks, "so what are you doing today?"

Her: I felt dream-like.My heart was beating faster and i kept trying to think. I could not believe that this is happening, but, i was willing to give this guy a chance. He told us about his goddaughter and showed us pictures of his dogs. All the time, i felt comfortable and looking at him, i thought to myself "hmm..this guys is cute and he has really nice eyes." however, i'm still not sure where all this is going , and i can feel that my friend did not like what was happening one bit. I can actually feel her being really cold to this stranger.

Him: I mention something about Christmas shopping. Start talking normal stuff. Introduce myself, they introduce themselves. Gia and Lily. My internal circuits are all afire, but I will not stop. That's how it works. I don't have to keep going. I just have to Not. Stop.

Gia is from Indonesia. Lily is from Thailand. They live here now. I tell them I teach dogs owners how to understand their dogs. They love dogs, Golden Retrievers. I tell them how big the hearts of a Golden are, that they are made of love. Time passes. I talk about the park near my house. Watching sunset from the swings, and the cafe close by with the best hot chocolate in the city.

Her: He told us that he just moved here from boston and that he lived by the park on which hill you can climb and view san francisco city light. A few minutes later, he said he had to go and then said that me and him should go to that park together. I thought to myself, "Uh-uh, not so fast,dude"

He tried to make me to say yes. But, I stubborny said "we'll see..we'll see," and smiled sweetly at him. And finally he asked for my phone number.

Him: The air is heavy with this moment I feel the weight. Time to go. Tell them so. Tell Gia to meet me at my house next week and we'll go to the park. She agrees. Gives me her number. We hug, and her skin smells like summer.

Her: To this day, I still do not know why i gave him my number. It could be that i sensed something about him or that i was carried away in the movie moment. The feeling was indescribable. it felt surreal, it was pure emotions.

I stand. Legs still working. Nice surprise.

Walk out, slow, stunned. Kick-to-the-head stunned. My world is of muffled sound, like under the sea, like leaving a Metallica show. Everything is slow and gentle, everything is floaty.

Her: I still wasn't sure about him. Part of me hope so much for it to be real,hope that he's not an asshole and really hope that he meant what he said. However, He was nothing but sweet and genuine and funny for the next few days we talked on the phone.

Talk twice over next week, flirty, funny, sexy. Normal topics too. School, work, fun. She's coming over Saturday.

Her: I did try to talk myself out of this date, but i can't. The way he came up to me like that, being so vulnerable and yet so strong, i just can't. This guy is ballsy and i like that. I granted him one date. I thought, "what the hell, it should be fun, i got free pizza."

Him: With two bottles of wine, one white, one red. With a dog treat for my dog.

We will be as lovers who meet again and again, as the wheel does turn, as it was meant to be.

Her: This month is our 7th month dating each other. I am very happy and the story of how we met has been told many times. My friend and i still talk about it. Everytime I passed that little cafe, everytime i drank my cafe mocha,my mind always flew back to that moment. Its embedded forever in in my heart.

If you liked this story, check our PickUp 101's upcoming video interview series, He Said/She Said, where we sit down with the guy and the girl and hear the story of a pickup from both sides.

Warm Read, Cold Reads, and Creating Instant Connections

There's a lot of stuff out there on "cold-reading" people, like using the most-common psychic reads to tell someone things about themselves they didn't think you knew.

And those are great for carny tricks. Yes, you're psychic, and wow, aren't I amazed. Do it again!

It's like making balloon animals.

And you don't want to make balloon animals for the girls you want to fuck, do you? No, you want a real connection, real intimacy, a real trust that leads to really great sex. The realer it is, the hotter it is, so why waste time playing around.

But how do you create a real connection? The trick is not to just figure her out cold and then diagnose... that makes her separate from you, not connected.

The trick is to have yourself figured out first, and then sniff out the things that you see in her that are the same. That connects you. That's the stuff that great love stories are made of. The stories she keeps secret in her heart forever, because it doesn't happen very often.

You see something special in her, because you see it in yourself, and that is why you are meant to be.

Sounds weird, right? Well, let's get into how to do it.

Here's the best way to do it.

Not the easiest, not the trickiest, but best. It takes work, commitment and practice, but once you start doing it, you will see yourself change fundamentally, and see your world open up.

It's not warm reading or cold reading. It's RELATING to someone else by seeing something kind of hidden in them that you kind of hide in yourself. And it comes from listening carefully to all the signals you get, and then taking a crazy chance.

Lance calls it the "Hail Mary."

Here's how you start. At any point in conversation with a woman, just stop, look at her, and say "it's weird, but you really seem to be X, but I have this sense you are actually Y. I'm the same way."

Then you fill in the blanks with whatever sense you get from her that truly reminds you of yourself. It can be anything. Just start listening to your instincts, and stop looking for shortcuts and tricks. The thing with the shortcuts is they won't tell you anything real about her, and she won't know anything about you. However, you can have just ONE strong thing about yourself that you try on everyone.

Some guys use "you like a creative person, but not in a creative job."

Some guys use "you seem like a party person, but really have a quiet side."

I like "everyone thinks you have it all figured out and under control, but really you're still wandering a little bit, and excited about not having the answers yet."

And they all work great, because they all are strong identities for US.

That may be the key. We use this exercise extensively in Art of Rapport, and it produces amazing insights. You really just need to focus in on what you feel most true for yourself, and then pronounce it for her. You're telling her why it was really fate that brought you two together.

If you don't have something deep and a little secret in common, than you can't really believe this was meant to be. It still may be, but it's just for fun. But when you can both see a little into each others' secret worlds, only a passionate relationship makes sense.

And that's what you really want.

- Sean

The Sincere Compliment - Direct At Its Easiest

Hey guys! We've been so busy running killer workshops at PickUp 101 in SF and NYC that I almost forgot to share the love here on The Attraction Chronicles.

But just in time for the long holiday weekend here in the U.S., here's an article that gives you all the tools you need to talk to any cute girl you see, and make a great, powerful, sexy first impression.

And you know that attraction happens right away, or not at all, so that first impression matter most.

Have fun!

The words used for an opener are not as important as the intent, the energy, and the commitment you bring to it.

That said, I do like to think I have one absolute fall-back every time 100% effective opener. This is something that anyone can use, anytime, any skill level, any environment. For instance, if you are any of the following:

• You are just starting out and dealing with the daunting task of approaching women for the first time (and wondering how in the hell anyone ever does anything this scary). This will get you started and get you positive responses immediately.
  
  
• You can do cold approaches but have trouble running a full story, or making an opinion opener sound right, or aren't able to jump right into fun banter right away. This gives you the open and lets her know right away you are more than just a guy making conversation. You are a guy flirting with her, and totally comfortable doing it.
  
  
• You can run attraction to the end of time but find that the girl never fully commits to you, but lets you entertain her until the guy she really connects with comes along. This establishes right from the start that you are confident, sexual, and have intent, and rewards her for being the woman who is deserving of that attention (for right now).
  
  
• You are a high-value guy and finding that you come on too strong for some girls and over game them without even realizing it. This will get them smiling and comfortable and let them relax and appreciate your interest.
  
  
• You are super-advanced and want to see just how basic you can break it down. This can make the game ridiculously easy now that you have internalized all the lessons of value and fun and the potential for great intimacy and sexual fulfillment you have to offer.

Seriously. Any one. Any time. Any where. I challenge you to come up with a scenario where this will not open.

I think of this as three yards and a cloud of dust. It's not the flashy aerial attack, and you may never break free and take it straight to the house with this one, but you'll always gain positive yardage.

So what is the secret? Simple. Give her an honest compliment. But there are some nuances to be aware of. Here are the exact words I open with.

"I know this is kind of random, but I had to tell you that you are just too cute."

Now here is what I think makes this work. First, I walk up confident but not cocky. I am not fucking around here, and I am not saying this to get attention. This isn't a joke or a put on and she's not on Punk'd. I'm doing this as a gift from me to her.

I take the frame that she is lovely to look at (for whatever reason -- you needn't save this for the scorching hotties -- any woman who catches your eye for any reason is deserving of a compliment).

Ben/Orion said in a DYD interview that his frame in opening is to make a woman smile, and that always struck me as a wonderful general philosophy. Yes, you want to give her the opportunity for so much more than that, but if you know in your heart that you have the ability to make pretty girls smile at any time, that you really do believe that everything she does is cute, then why would you ever be afraid to talk to her?

Would you not then know that you do have a power to use for good?

Do you not understand how much people, and women in particular, need, crave, and pine for real appreciation?

When you approach a woman and tell her there is something special about her that you can't help but see, you create a world where only the two of you exist, a world she gets to visit far too rarely.

Here's something else to keep in mind. I've read other approaches similar to this which take the same idea, but leave it a little more open to interpretation. I think it is critical that the compliment itself be as subtle and as nourishing as possible, and it has to be about HER, not about her clothes, or stuff.

I've tested this with telling a woman that she is gorgeous, or lovely, or stunning, but I've never found anything that gets as consistently positive and comfortable responses as the word "cute." I think there's some deep psychology and subtle social cue stuff at work here.

If you tell a woman you do not know how beautiful she is, she takes that compliment as an offering to her altar. She may appreciate it, but all it says about you is that you are a man who notices beautiful women.

And for some women, those who are not totally comfortable with their own beauty (especially those who's self image does not map to their appearance), this compliment actually confuses them, and makes them very defensive. They react as if they are waiting for the punchline, like when they were plain and unlovely back in grade school and some asshole kid wrote her a valentine and then laughed at her with all his asshole friends when she confessed her crush on him.

You are not an asshole. You are a man. A man notices things about women that the assholes don't, and understands what is most important to women.

What is most important to them is NOT to be beautiful, or stunning, or hot, or spectacular, or any other bullshit come-on they've already heard.

What matters most to them, what they dream of every night, is that someone cares for them. Someone will protect them. Nurture them. Hold them close and enjoy them for who they are: a cute girl.

All women want to be loved like little sisters, but there's a deeper level. They want to be loved like daughters.

They all want someone to allow them to drop their shields and see through to the little girl who loves puppies and ice cream and Sunday mornings lazing in bed in fluffy pajamas. When you tell her that you see how cute she is, this is what she hears. Finally, someone notices the girl that was always there.

There's lots more to say on this topic, especially on how to follow this opener with consistency and intent, but for now, that's it. I encourage everyone to at least experiment with this direct, natural, warm approach, and see what happens. See what responses you get. See how many smiles you create. Hell, see if you don't find yourself smiling a little knowing that you have the ability, really and genuinely, to create a little more joy in the world.

And really, isn't that the highest motivation for us all? Remember, always leave her better than you found her.

- Sean

The Blowout Ejection Plan

At PickUp101, we teach a simple technique to use when you feel that the group you are talking to is no longer interested in talking to you that requires no coordination with others and no planning.

Just look at the group, gently place you hand on the arm of the person closest to you, and say something like:

"Hey, it was cool talking. I've got to catch up with my friends. Maybe I'll see you later."

Then leave. That's it. No lies (well, it's not always strictly true that you have to run right now to find your friends, but it's always socially appropriate) and no games. To the group it appears as though you have chosen to walk away, and to anyone watching it looks the same. You are polite, you are classy, and you let them know you are in control, and cool enough to keep them comfortable.

It also lets you leave on a high note. You're not scurrying away because they 'blew you out.' You are clearly stating that you choose to move on instead.

You are NOT the asshole who overstays his welcome (just think back on any house guest you ever had who just would not leave, and you will instinctively know why that is the very last thing you want to be.

What you say is very influential over what you think. If you say this, then you start to believe it. If you use any kind of trick to extricate yourself, you'll always feel a little sneaky.

When in doubt, look for the simplest solutions.

Sean

Sean (Seduction Master's Interview)

We have a special interview this time. Sean, our contributing columnist here at the Attraction Chronicles Blog, is also a full-time instructor. This is a sort of "introduction" to him so you can get acquainted, and respect his posts. (More than mine)

Here we go!

Tell me about yourself!





I'm 35 years old, proud East Coast boy, born on a farm in Connecticut, and worked my way across the country till I ended up in the crazy, wonderful San Francisco.

I've been chasing girls my whole life (well, since age 5), and from 17 to 32 really went out to learn all I could, from cool friends and from the amazing women I dated. It was only a few years ago I discovered David D, and from there went on to study with Lance Mason and PickUp 101. And once I did that, the whole game changed.



The ideas, and more importantly, the people at PickUp 101 inspired me to stay and make teaching other guys how to have great, passionate, happy relationships with women the focus of my life.

Describe the moment, when you suddenly realized, "I need to work out this part of my life."

That's easy to remember, but hard to tell the story.

See, I already found the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with. When I was younger, I never had trouble dating, never had trouble getting girlfriends. And then one day finally I found the best of them all. I still remember the first moment I made eye contact with her across the floor of a packed club. I knew she was the girl for me.

So we dated. We fell in love. We moved in together. Got engaged. Started planning a wedding, looking at housing, talking baby names, vacationing with other couples, the whole thing.

And all this time as we were falling in love and building a life together, as I was doing everything I could to make this woman happy, she got sadder and sadder.

I'll tell you, there is no worse feeling than knowing that everything you do makes the woman you love uglier and more miserable every day.

Except for the feeling of find her face down in the tub with a note on the bathroom sink asking her family to please forgive her.

She survived. But we didn't.

And for months afterwards, I wandered around in a fog, asking everyone I knew if they had any idea what went wrong. What did I do wrong?

No one knew. Not my Dad, not my friends, not anyone. And I just refused to accept that. I refused to accept that this was just me. Hell, growing up, everyone I knew had parents who divorced. There were no happy couples. Dating was all about drama and heartbreak and diminished expectations.

And in my own life, I had gotten so good I could date anyone I wanted, but I still had NO IDEA how to really make it work.

So that's when I started looking, and talking. And I found out I wasn't the only one with a story like this. Especially since I've been coaching with PickUp101 full-time, I've heard stories just like mine from all different kinds of men, all who say the same thing. They say "I love women, and I just want to know how to do this right. I'm tired of screwing it up."

I'm in this because I want to find an amazing girl who makes me happier than all the rest combined, and then attract her and keep her happy. That's all I care about. I hear about guys saying things like "I want two MLTRs where both girls love me and love each other equally, and we all share the kinky love all the time."

And it's funny, because I remember thinking those same things... portrait of the artists as a pimp, right? I remember dating 4 girls at the same time and then trying to find time to hook up with new girls, and balancing it all... and it made me miserable. Dealing with amazing girls takes a lot of energy. The more amazing they are, the more you have to bust your ass to keep on top of them, because they are, like the great surfer Gerry Lopez said of Pipeline, a challenge for a lifetime.

I heard that kind of stuff and thought, man, those guys really haven't talked to enough women. Or they talked, but didn't listen. Because I'll tell you, I've dated hundreds of girls, from models and exotic dancers to doctors and lawyers, but I have never met ONE who would be happy in a situation where she didn't feel special and loved by her man.

I want to be able to make my relationship work for me every single day. And every guy I know, when I've really gotten to talk to him and get to what matters most, feels the same way. I know from reading your story, Donovan, you have that same perspective.

See, I think my Dad is an amazing guy. He's my hero. And he can do anything he puts his mind to. But it took him 50 years to find the woman who makes him happy, and now when I see them together, I think "that is the ONLY way it should be done. Someone needs to get the word out on how to do this."

Yeah, we all want to be the super-pimp and impress our friends, but at the end of the day, we all want that great chick who makes us feel like the greatest guy in the world. I worked my ass off to figure out how that works, and now that I know, and now that I have that, I'm on a mission to teach every guy I can how to get the same thing.

Have you had any mentors (perhaps well-known pickup artists) within the community/life that have helped you improve your game, and what did they teach you?

I was always pretty good with women. Me and my friends, who I am very fortunate to count as my friends to this day, were just annoyingly social. Anything to have fun, all the time. And from a young age, I understood that attitude will always attract women.

But I didn't really know what I didn't know until I was picked to compete on a reality dating show a few years ago. "For Love or Money." Me and 14 other guys competing for the "love" of one beautiful girl.

Now I thought coming in I had serious game. I mean, I was chosen out of thousands of guys who thought they were great with women to be one of the few, the proud, the elite. But when I got on the show, I was FLOORED at how much better these other guys were. It was like a great college player playing in his first NBA game.

And the thing was, these were all normal, really good, nice guys. No scheming, no tricks. They were just totally cool, charming, and confident. They just had it figured out, and it looked effortless.

So I ended up getting booted in the first round. I mean, I got crushed… I barely even appeared on screen. But it was great for me, because it made me aware that you can be a great guy, and really cultivate the qualities that will always attract women. These guys all learned how to be total Naturals. There had to be some way for other men to learn it as well.

I mean, I was good enough to make it to network TV as a prototypical "stud," but the truth was I wasn't good enough to get the girl when it really mattered. But I had no idea how to get better.
Until I met Lance Mason.

Let's be clear: when I first met Lance, I really didn't want to believe him.

Why?

Because I'm really competitive, and from the first second I saw him, I could tell how much better with women he was than me, or anyone I'd ever known.

But that only lasted a second, because I also saw what a good, normal, generous person he was. There was a damn good reason he was phenomenal with women: he had taken all the naturally attractive traits we sense in people we like, and not only figured out how they all worked, but also how to incorporate it into who he was.

And he knew exactly how to teach those skills to others.

Finally, I found the person who I knew could teach me the skills I wanted more than anything. And once I started learning, I knew I had to stay and teach as well.

Can you describe the first time you used a counter-intuitive routine that yielded it's promised results, and how you felt?

I always assumed that in order to get to know a girl, you had to ask her all sorts of really deep questions and get her to prove to you how special and deep she is. But anytime I tried, girls would just tell me the lamest answers, or ignore the question altogether.

So I stopped asking girls questions like this "what are you passionate about," "tell me three cool things about you," "what is so special about you," and it's not because they aren't interesting paths of conversation.

It's because girls tend to be crap storytellers and question-answerers. They never learn to develop the same verbal skills that men do (why? because they don't have to try to pickup girls!).

Here's the thing I've found: even when a girl is really into me, she is unlikely to build herself up in any way. In fact, she is very likely to do the opposite and downplay anything cool she may have done. It may be because I ask her direct questions intended to get her to prove herself to me, her instinct is actually to do the opposite and make herself appear less cool so that she can be sure I really do like her for who she is, and not some fabulous concoction she has put together.

Men lie to make themselves look better.

Women lie to make themselves look worse.

It's totally counter-intuitive, because as men, we think everyone thinks like us. But once you understand women a little better, it starts to make sense.

I mean, it's something you just can't figure out until you experience it... but when women talk amongst themselves there is NO bragging allowed. Women are all about harmony and soothing feelings and empathizing.

Men are all about one-upsmanship. You ask me what I'm passionate about and I'll ramble on for 20 minutes. But these questions really intimidate and go against the nature of women, and I've always found they get me fairly dull answers. So what to do?

So don't ask those questions. Instead, start with the theme for yourself and invite her to join in. It's like, you go first, so you make it possible for her to feel safe following you. Tell her "y'know, it's weird, but I'm discovering lately that I'm really passionate about X..." and then tell your story. Keep leading her in, and let her know it's ok to talk about important feelings like that.

Whenever possible, avoid asking direct, interrogatory questions of women when you are trying to really connect with them. That's just not how they talk. They listen, and intuit, and empathize. And they also KNOW that when we ask questions, we're not really listening... so don't bullshit 'em. Let them connect with you by following you on what you love, and then you tell them your intuitions about them.

Say, like me, you're passionate about teaching. Tell your story, and then say you can tell just from the way she carries herself she loves teaching others as well. Tell her how you crave adventure and new places and then guess that she has the same jones, the need to see new places for herself and experience the world (this one is gold in any city, as women in cities are almost always from somewhere else).

Don't ask. Presume. Intuit. Take some chances and show that you understand people without interviewing them.

Lance Mason taught me this when I started at PickUp101, and it's absolutely true. Your job is to find out what makes her special, and make it clear to her that you see it, and insist on it, and that is why she deserves you.

Presume the best of the girl, and she may just meet your expectations.

Could you descibe what you're life was like before you were aware of this, and what options you have with women now?

I'd usually get the girl, but inevitably I would screw it up. Or, even worse, I'd see her and lame-ass excuse my way out of talking to her.

But now not only do I get to flirt and teach and write for a living, I have an awesome chick who just gets sexier and sexier the longer we are together, and she makes me totally happy.

I gotta tell you, it's much better than before, when I'd have the hot chick who just made me insane and miserable.

The hottie who makes you happy is the one you keep around. :-)

What was your hardest/biggest sticking point?

Dropping any act and just being real. It's so much more comfortable to look for the perfect routine or the perfect approach, and I didn't want to think that the only way to get really good was to talk to people who were already really good, get coaching from them, and just keep practicing.

One thing I've learned is this: you can figure out all you need to know about women by practicing feeling their reactions. This is not the same as listening to their words. Rather, it's about empathizing with their emotions and their bodies. Really focus on what they are trying to tell you instead of how cool you are coming across to them, and you will learn what they need to be happy.

And if you can make the girl happy, she will do ANYTHING to make you happy.

Do you have a favorite routine/step in your model, can you describe it, and what it accomplishes?

Oh, absolutely. I have one simple go-to move that I can use anytime, anywhere to get a girl attracted to me. And NO ONE else does it, so I really shouldn't even share it, but just for you, Donovan. =)

I tell the girl she's cute. That's pretty much the sum of my approach technique. Find a cute girl, walk up to her, smile, and tell her she's cute. If she's with friends, I tell them they are all cute, but she is so cute I don't know how they can stand it. Or I'll ask them to translate for me because my English is very poor... how you say, esta muy cuto. No culo, cuto, si? ;-)

Then I let her smile and enjoy it for a second, and then pull her back in by telling her "and this is the point at which you tell me I am also cute." More smiles. More fun. I'll tell the whole group that we make a cute couple, right? Then I may go into how we will have beautiful babies, and they are all invited to the wedding.

This is something I developed from bantering with girls. I think of banter as this tool we have at PickUp101 to express our affection to girls in really creative ways.

Of course, all that is well and good, but honestly, I prefer to use as few words as possible. My real favorite move is just to say a few words to a girl, then fake her out into looking in the other direction, and then swoop down and lift her up on my shoulder in a fireman's carry, telling her friends I just need to borrow her for about 10, no, 15 minutes.

This works best if you can then convince the girl you are, in fact, a fireman. :-)

Have you had the experience yet, where you feel that you've reached a certain degree of mastery? Can you explain the time, and how you got the realization?

Yeah, man. See, I never felt like the acronyms told me to feel. I honestly believe that thinking in terms of a competitive scale is the most damaging thing a guy can do. There are no chumps, there are no masters. We are all BORN knowing how to attract people.

But some people have it buried under years of bad experiences, and fear, and a constant reminder to play it safe and careful and avoid pain at all costs. And it's not their fault.

See, the guys that get it, the cool guys, the Natural, are just guys who had the least re-inforcement of negative feedback. They just never covered up their instincitve ability to get attention and create joy.

I was a Natural when I was a fat, happy baby. We all were. And I held on to that ability for a long time. But I lost it after my big breakup, and ended up living in the past, and in my head. We all go there from time to time, but it's a terrible place to stay.

I had to get back into the world, and recover what I knew instinctively… how to be social, and attractive, and make women happy.

It was just a few months ago when I realized I KNEW and FELT exactly what my girl needed all the time that I knew I had it back.

It's like grooming a golf swing. You work and work and work, and then one day you just know, this is for real. This skill isn't something I do, it's just something I am.

Now I know that no matter what happens, I will always be able to attract the girls I want, and be able to have the relationships that make me happy.

What advice would you give to newbies starting out, in order to greatly accelerate their learning curve?

Make it easy all the time. Do NOT look for the Olympian challenge to prove yourself.

If you want to learn how to play basketball, you start by shooting layups. You warm up by shooting from 3 feet away. You do NOT learn by shooting half-court jumpers with a man in your face.

So don't wait until Friday to go out and do 100 sets perfectly following someone else's ideas of how interactions should go. Instead, work on being cooler, friendlier, and more social every single day in simple ways. Smile and say Hi to people at work. Flirt with the girl serving you coffee. Tell your mom a funny story. Just keep doing small things every day to open yourself up, to smile more, and to attract people more.

What's your belief on inner game, and how did you improve it?

Physical skill. Work from the outside to affect the inside. I really worked on changing how I used my body to communicate to people, and that really changed how I felt.

I mean, when I walk down the street with a knowing smile and a slow strut like Wooderson in "Dazed and Confused," I can't help but be in a great mood.

You want to change your inner game? Let go of the need to look cool. Fuck it. Look FUN. Have fun. Be willing to look and be goofy. Smile. Laugh.

Bob your head to a hip-hop beat and say "yeah yeah yeah," in answer to the endless loop of annoying conscious mind questions.

Let the body and the lizard brain take over.

Do you have a personal favorite field report that you could relay?

Man, anyone who knows me will tell you I've got no END of stories (no matter how much they might want me to just occassionally shut the *** up! :-). Since I still haven't gotten around to writing the story of how I pulled a dancer right off the stage at the Spearmint Rhino in Vegas and made her my girlfriend, so I'll have to go with a more romantic, chick-flick story... :-)

She is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Warm, honey skin, soft brown eyes, long lashes, silky hair flowing under a funky cap, just a touch of sparkly blue eye-shadow, and a sly smile under pillowy lips.

It's a crowded Sunday in a little café in Union Square in San Francisco. Workers are putting up the giant Christmas tree, and shoppers are everywhere. It's not quiet, calm, and peaceful. People are jostling about, and everyone can see everything. Perfect. Put this on display for all to see – this is exactly what I have prepared for.

Get in line for food and keep looking at her. I fix her image in my mind. I look away. Let the nerves build up. Feel it in my chest, in my heart. I want this beautiful girl. I want her so much. I want her to have my kids, and her kids, and walk hand-in-hand on the boardwalk on the beach, win her giant stuffed animals for her at games of chance, snuggle on Sunday mornings, and buy her sparkly things to make her smile. I let all the silly and wussy and once- again-silly thoughts fill me up. I will use them as fuel.

I will walk up to her, alone. I will have no pretext, no introduction, no excuse. It will be her, and it will be me, and in this secret world, we will be. I want the nerves. I want the fear. I want this to be hard. For a man who didn't know what he was doing, that would make it impossible. For me… for me it makes it perfect.

Then my single 100%-perfect girl takes a seat at a table right behind me… with her 99%-perfect girl friend. She's here, now. I know from experience if I leave now, without meeting her, it will wake me from a sound sleep when I am old and grey, and the not knowing will haunt me like a ghost. Fuck it. I have studied, practiced and worked at this for a reason. This girl is the reason. She is the one that brought me here today. When you find the princess, she will not be waiting for you on a bed made of Twinkies and tits. She will be in a castle, guarded by a dragon, behind a wall of flames. Walk through the flames.

I step out of line. Walk to her table. I feel every eye upon me. Stand at their table. They both look up.

I say nothing. I don't worry about what to say. My hands are down, my eyes are steady. I open my mouth.

"I was on my way out, and I saw you." Is my voice quavering a little? It is. Good.

"I couldn't leave without meeting you. May I sit?"

They both stare at me. The room stares at me. I wait. She says yes. I reach back to table behind me and grab a chair from another table without asking. Is someone else using it? Not anymore. Chair bangs against other chairs. It appears unsmooth, but I don't care.

I sit. Look at her… gently, but seeing her. I don't say anything. A year passes. She asks, "so what are you doing today?"

I mention something about Christmas shopping. Start talking normal stuff. Introduce myself, they introduce themselves. Gia and Lily. My internal circuits are all afire, but I will not stop. That's how it works. I don't have to keep going. I just have to … Not. Stop.

Gia is from Indonesia. Lily is from Thailand. They live here now. I tell them I teach dogs owners how to understand their dogs. They love dogs, Golden Retrievers. I tell them how big the hearts of a Golden are, that they are made of love. Time passes. I talk about the park near my house. Watching sunset from the swings, and the cafe close by with the best hot chocolate in the city.

The air is heavy with this moment I feel the weight. Time to go. Tell them so. Tell Gia to meet me at my house next week and we'll go to the park. She agrees. Offers me her number. We hug, and her skin smells like summer.

I stand. Legs still working. Nice surprise.

Walk out, slow, stunned. Kick-to-the-head stunned. My world is of muffled sound, like under the sea, like leaving a Metallica show. Everything is slow and gentle, everything is floaty.

Talk twice over next week, flirty, funny, sexy. Normal topics too. School, work, fun. She's coming over Saturday.

With two bottles of wine, one white, one red. With a dog treat for my dog.

We will be as lovers who meet again and again, as the wheel does turn, as it was meant to be.

What is your current sticking point?

Don't say stupid shit.

One of my favorite quotes is from Chris Rock (and I believe that comedians really do have all the wisdom we need to manage relationships if you listen hard enough).

"A woman knows if she's gonna !#@* you in the first 5 minutes of meeting you. Women know right away. They're shaking hands like, "I'm gonna !#@* him. I hope he don't say nothing too stupid!"

Just let her like you, take the time to get to know each other, and then have the kind of sex that makes objects in the room spontaneously combust. J

What are you goals now within the community, and in life?

I want to tell everyone in the world about how the Art of Attraction workshop, and everything we teach at PickUp101, can change your life. Finding happiness from your relationships with women may be the hardest thing to learn, and to teach, and I really feel we've cracked the code. We see it every weekend when guys leave our workshops, exhausted and happy, and go right out and make the very first woman they see smile.

Every man deserves that power and that happiness. We are creating a community that men can be proud of, and women will be thankful for. And the bigger it gets, the better it is.

I've heard some really great people talk about pickup, about the process of attracting women, as a great burden, like it's something you have to pscyh yourself up for and battle through. Like there are guys out there who thought like I did when I found that one great girl, like "whew, sure am glad that hard work is over. Now I can finally relax!"

I got into teaching because I know that's not true. Being an attractive man is not about putting on an act at certain times to impress people. It's about becoming that best version of yourself, that guy you wanted to be when you were 8 years old. I teach guys that this is all about finding out what is cool, what is passionate, what is already attractive about you, and then learning how to bring that out.

We are all born social. We are all born charming. The hard work is in uncovering that instinct and letting other people share in the vibe. And it can't just be something you try out. You can't just attract that great girl one day and then stop. You have to attract her every single day. And the day you stop is the day she leaves.

I have one rule for keeping my chick happy. Make her smile every day. That's it. No exceptions, no excuses. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, I make a point of doing something every single day to make her smile. And it's not even anything that clever (I usually just lift her on my shoulder and smack her ass). :-)

But I do it every day. And it's not work for me. It's effort, but it's not work. I enjoy making her happy, because she treats me like a frickin' god. And y'know what? That's what makes this all work for me... it's a circle of good. You keep putting the good energy out, and it will come back to you.

So to everyone reading, just keep it rocking and keep it cracking and just keep livin'.

This game is not that complicated. All you have to do is put a smile on her face and keep it there. It's up to you to make it happen.

Thanks Sean!

Stay tuned for more from Sean on the blog. Or even to get him as an instructor, check out the Pickup101 workshop schedule. You might have to make the trip to San Fran though!

Other Seduction Masters Interviews:

• Introducing the Seduction Masters Interviews
• Stephen Nash (Playboy)
• Thundercat
• Herbal
• Neil Strauss

The One-Girl-a-Day Challenge

Welcome to Sean, our special columnist for the Attraction Chronicles Blog. He will provide amazing insights into the world of pickup and seduction. He is currently a full-time instructor for Pickup 101 based in San Francisco. Take it away Sean. We look forward to your upcoming Seduction Masters Interview and ongoing posts!
-Donovan



We're here to learn about attracting women, right? And we all acknowledge that nothing improves your skills like practice. But approaching can still be scary stuff, especially if you haven't been talking to many people on a regular basis. So if you really want to get practice, you need incentive.

Take this challenge upon yourself. Every day you see that one girl that you know you should talk to (doesn't mean you have to pull off the highway at high-speed... just that girl that passes where you know you COULD talk to her, but you CHOOSE not to. Well from now on, make the opposite choice (yes, the old Costanza opposite theory). Instead of not walking up and saying "Hi," or whatever you like to say, do it.

Here's the thing. It's gotta be all day, every day. No excuses about not being in state, or dressed poorly, or not in your usual environment. This will force you to be always on, and see your game as just part of who you are, as opposed to something you do.

And if you don't, you gotta pony up. Pick a charity that you will donate money to for every day you don't talk to that girl. It's all an honor system, since we are men of honor. But just this incentive may be enough to shake you loose from your perfectly reasonable excuses. Get competitive. Do it because you know you can, and because now you have no choice. It's a good bet all around... either you get better real fast, or a charity gets money it needs.

I'm in. $10 each day to Big Brothers/Big Sisters if I miss my chance.
-Sean