Going Deep

Today I’m going to be painfully honest with you and it scares
me to admit what I’ve been feeling.  I
started this blog as a leap of faith almost three years ago, I honestly didn’t
know if I was a good enough writer, funny enough or had anything to say that
mattered.  I always wanted to write and
leave a legacy of words on the world in my own way.  I wanted those words to make you laugh, inspire,
teach, entertain and sometimes even touch your heart.    

While none of those goals changed, my circumstances did,
drastically.   I can’t even read some of
my first posts today because I don’t know who that woman was, she sure isn’t
much like me today.   Ouch, I can’t
believe I really wrote that and haven’t backspaced it yet.  Yikes.   
When I began writing this blog, although I just got dumped and fired I
had no idea that life was about to suck even more.

I’ve written some about these hard days and I don’t want to
rehash a bunch of that stuff, but to review, life got increasingly more
challenging after I started writing this blog. 
What I’m about to say sounds corny, but I truly think some of those
experiences shaped me to be a better writer. 
While they sucked on ice, I’m also grateful for them because they helped
me go deeper and have more to share.

This time in my life forced me to realize that if I was
going to inspire YOU, then I had to get my shit together first and put good
stuff in my dome.   It was a downside of having an audience, in a
small way I felt responsible to put some good crap in your heads, my writing
had to have more substance than high heels, lip gloss and making out.  It had to.  
Fortunately, I’ve attracted an intelligent audience who likes to be
entertained and wants some depth with it.   
I realized that this blog couldn’t just be a cheap lap dance, but it
could still be sexy.  

In the beginning, I was naïve.  I thought I write these fun little dating tales
and it would be fun for both of us.   I’d eventually end up meeting someone terrific
who would worship me silly and you would clap and cry tears of joy.  Eventually, I’d bore the crap out of you as
all I had to share was our boring trips to Home Depot to pick out tile.   Spoiler alert: that shit didn’t happen, now
did it?   Nope.    Almost three years of dating and writing
and I’m closer to going cat lady crazy than shopping for tile. 

The last two and a half years have been extremely difficult
to endure.   There were many nights I
went to sleep hoping I wouldn’t wake up in the morning.  I didn’t know how I’d get through another
day, let alone another week. 

The two reasons my life has become so challenging  were financial struggles and that my ex
stopped being a parent to the boys.   Before
this, I could at least count on being a wild and crazy bachelorette every other
weekend and having some time to catch my breath.  Now, I don’t have that at all.  It’s been harder to have a life, be a good
mom and to maintain a job, to be quite honest with you.   I hate admitting this but I need a break
from being a mom, a weekend, an overnight, anything.    I feel like a failure for thinking that let
alone writing it, but it’s the truth.  I
don’t feel like I’m my best and therefore not able to give my best to the
boys. 

In some ways I also feel like I’ve failed you, my
reader.   I want to be writing happy,
sexy posts consistently.  Heck, I’ve
barely been able to write at all.  But
hey guess what, life isn’t always what we expect and I know you
understand.   But I’m hard on myself,
harder than I’m sure you are.  

Another reason I feel like I’ve failed you is because I
haven’t found love.  I haven’t written
that perfect walk into the sunset, holding another hand.   Sometimes, I wonder what is wrong with me
but lately, I’ve realized that it goes deeper than that. 

This deep dive into self-improvement and all my hardcore
personal development, especially this year has caused me to pull away from many
potential relationships with men and be more picky about who I truly let
in.  Yet, I can date more casually for
fun, more for the experience of meeting new people, but it takes me much longer
to get attached.   I’m also starting to
look at why I’ve attracted a certain type of man into my life and then why I
was even more of a dumbass and slept with that dude, over and over again.  

A lot of my answers lie on my own shoulders.  I realized that I’ve welcomed men into my
life who had some kind of handicap that would keep us from becoming too serious.  Ouch, that’s pretty painful to admit.   A great example of that is the most recent man
I dated this summer,  who was much
younger.  I wanted companionship but I
didn’t want him crowing my life.   The
fact that he was younger was a built in hurdle, so that we wouldn’t become
extremely close.   What is wrong with me? 

I haven’t truly loved anyone since “The Reader”.  You don’t know how hard that is to admit,
especially since he may still read my blog sometimes.   On the other hand, the time that has passed since
being involved with him has shown me that although losing him from my life was
painful, it was absolutely for the best.  
Today, he’s not a man I would be attracted to; I’ve changed so much,
it’s almost staggering.  

Over the past couple of years, I’ve gotten as close as one
can to falling in love, without completely falling over the cliff.    Truthfully, I’m scared of the weak little
girl I am after a difficult breakup, so scared in fact that it keeps me from
fully immersing into love.  So my choices
are simple, I either let someone in partially or I stay disconnected totally
until I find someone worthy of taking the risk.   I’m meeting a lot of men and flirting, but
haven’t met anyone who is worth risking my sanity.

I was very fortunate this year to find a book that has
drastically shaped my life and my future.     I highly recommend, The Successful Single Mom for anyone going through a difficult time
in life.   It’s an excellent book for a
single mom or anyone actually who needs a jump start in life and career.  I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with the
author of this book, slobbering all over her, thanking her for writing this
book.   Her advice literally changed my
life for the better,  I use some nugget
of wisdom from her book every single day. 
It also forced me to look harder at myself, my inner circle and my
thoughts.  I’m truly a better person for
reading this book.  

In the next few weeks, I’ll share an experience this summer
that has made me swear off online dating, at least for now and more from my
dating life.  As always thanks for reading and for all your encouragement, it really means a lot!  

Smooches,

The Single Mom

. 

Oh Those Summer Nights...

I’ve had several steamy moments so far this summer, some
that have taken my breath away and some romantic stolen moments under a starry
night sky.   Over the past few months, I’ve
been dating a few men and have been enjoying the hell outta it, notice I said
dating and not sleeping with them all, thank you very much.   My mindset about dating is totally different and it has made it so much more fun. I’m not exactly sure if it’s the relaxed
summer days and having more social opportunities or just that I’ve had so many
disappointments that my attitude is breezy about dating. 

Let me catch you up on life and why I’ve haven’t been
blogging as much, spring was extremely busy with my youngest son’s end of
school year activities.  I was running
around like crazy helping him makeup homework and getting him from point a to b
and life was hectic at home with my oldest too.   

As far as me, I’ve been working hard on my two jobs,
networking, looking for other opportunities and writing when I can.   A
great deal of my time has been spent exercising and working hard on my own personal
development.  I’ve lost weight, feel
incredible and have been putting my energy into me and my needs instead of
constantly focusing on some dude.   Our
home has also needed an incredible amount of work because of the change of
season.  The yard especially has been
giving me all the challenge I can handle, so I’ve had my hands full. 

My dating life has been equally active, I’ve been putting
myself “out there” and the smile is back on my face.   I dated
a couple of men this spring who seemed like they had real potential to end up
as serious partners.  Oddly enough, I
wasn’t really looking for anything serious, but they moved “us” in that
direction.   One in particular, I thought
could have been boyfriend material because our dates were fun and I “held my
cards” until the right time (ie I didn’t sleep with him until I practically had
him pinky swearing that we were a couple.)   

Although I make it
sound like I laid down the law and was a tyrant, it wasn’t like that at all.  He spent a small fortune trying to impress me
and our time together was always perfect. 
Things progressed naturally, our dates were a blast, and I was puzzled
when ultimately it didn’t work out.   
However, I wasn’t completely attached so I didn’t miss a beat getting
over it.   Looking back on it now, I’m
still confused because he spent so much time and money to “woo” me but I guess his
cold feet ultimately caused him to freak out.  

Sometimes, I wonder if I make it too difficult for the men
I’m dating to get attached to me because of my past scars.  I have a lot of walls and I keep men at a
distance.   I’m not really sure and
although I think about it sometimes, I don’t know if I really WANT to change
right now, or if there is anyone in my path that is worth being more vulnerable.  

However, recently I met a man who helped me tear some walls
down.   He’s a young man no less who I’ve
gotten relatively close to even though initially, I tried to push away.   I met him online, and when I saw that we had
a huge (almost 20 years)  age difference
I sent him a short and sweet email thanking him for the nice things he said
about me but basically I was blowing him off because of our ages.   Although he is in his late 20's, he seemed mature, had a child and was a good person, but I couldn't completely ignore his age.  



He wanted to strike up a friendship because
I seemed cool, but that didn’t really interest me – until we exchanged a few
emails.    There was something about our
connection and he made me laugh hysterically.   It was rare because he not only got my wicked sense of humor but he gave it right back to me
and we became close, quickly.

To be completely transparent with you, I don’t “click” with
a lot of people as friends that easily. 
I’m nice to everyone, and I’m likeable overall but I don’t trust many
people and I’m guarded.   I think it was
easy to be myself with him because I didn’t view him as “relationship material”
and we connected quickly.  

The friendship quickly turned into romantic chemistry and
when we met for the first time, it was electric.   We were kissing within a few minutes and ended
up steaming up some windows.    After our
first date, I wasn’t clingy at all and our interactions were normal for the
next few days.   Shortly after, he got a
case of cold feet and pulled away. 
However, there was just something about our connection that kept
bringing us back together.   

Initially, I convinced myself I wouldn’t get attached to him
and I lied to myself that it wouldn’t happen.   I was
drawn to him because he still had some youthful sweetness and hadn’t been jaded
about love in general .  He’s good
looking, funny, sweet and charming, I should have known we were both doomed to
get close, but I didn’t want to believe it. 
Maybe it was naïve, but in the beginning I didn’t think we’d be intimate
and then I was naïve again when I convinced myself that we wouldn’t develop
feelings for each other, but we did.   

My heart wasn’t completely immersed but I was getting close
to falling off the ledge, and I pulled away. Although I know having some
distance is for the best, I miss our silly, sweet conversations and the
blossoming summer romance that made me feel younger and invincible for a short
season.  I have to admit, I felt free
like a child on summer break because for a couple of months I was a giggly
teenage girl again with a pure heart flirting with a boy, not worried about
heartbreak or feeling silly.  I was just
enjoying a playful courtship, sneaking around stealing kisses and laughing hysterically at our inside
jokes.   

It was effortless being together and it felt so perfect as
he slept in my arms, peacefully snoring.  There was just something that made us feel so comfortable together from the beginning, the friendship came easy, then the romance and it's sad that it doesn't have a future. 
Even if our time together is really over, I know I’ll carry a piece of
him and the memory of this sweet romance with me for a long time... and maybe just maybe, although it's bittersweet today, it taught me that the teenage girl with the pure heart is still a part of me.

Thank you for reading!

Smooches

The Single Mom

First Date Tips and Reentering the Dating World

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/19/dating-after-divorce_n_3118481.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003

Last week, the Huffington Post asked me to participate on
the panel of Huff Post Live to talk about Dating after Divorce, First Dates and
Dealbreakers.  I was immediately excited
and a it’s subject I know well.  Last week, I went on
two fantastic first dates, so I’ve  recently experienced first date jitters and felt like I could make a contribution.

I’d say over the last 7 years I’ve been on anywhere from
about 75 to 100 first dates.  Yikes, that
sounds like a lot, but over 7 years, that’s an average of 10 a year on the low
side.   My first dates have ranged from
being taken to Hooters to watch cage fighting to overnight camping, so I’ve had a wide
range of experiences.

To give you some reference, I was married for 13 miserable years, had
two kids and when it was time to date again, I was chomping at the bit.  I couldn’t wait for romantic first kisses in
the rain and to run across a field of daisies to greet the man of my dreams,
arms stretched out wide and his likewise.  
That whole dream sequence didn’t play out so well for me in the real
world.  What I ended up with in reality
was more like the plot of a horrible Lifetime movie.  I met men who had major substance and violence
issues and a big 'ol helping of dysfunction.  

After a revolving door of douchebags, I ended up on my
shrink’s comfy sofa for a good old fashioned trip to the wood shed.  She ever so gently pointed out to me that I
kept choosing the same bad boy over and over again, the color of the Harley may
be different as well as the placement of tattoos, but I had to change and expand my dating pool.  She
advised me to do two things at that moment. 
 

The first was to write a list of traits that I wished to find in a long
term partner and dealbreakers.   The
purpose of this list was to be a reference to keep me on track when I met
a man - if he didn’t meet most of the qualities I wanted, I had to move on to
the next one.    

The second piece of advice was to go out on as many dates as
possible.   Since I had a particular
“type”, she suggested I go outside of that comfort zone to meet men of different
ages, careers, or ethnicities.  
Basically, she challenged me to have a lot of casual first dates in the
hopes of expanding the type of man I would be attracted to. 

After a few glasses of wine and some laughs with a married
girlfriend, I had a Match.com profile.   My girlfriend enjoyed spending time with me, vicariously feeling like she was a
character in “Sex and the City” but then would happily go home to the arms of her loving
husband.    She left and before long I
was answering emails, instant messaging and making dates. 

That summer, I had shared parenting and for
the week I didn’t have my kids, I sometimes had 7 dates in a week.    They ranged from horrific to not God-awful,
but eventually I did meet someone pretty terrific, who wasn’t the stereotype
bad boy.

Fast forward to the present and I have learned a lot the
hard way and I still fall for the wrong guy.  
My life is so much more complicated now, having my kids 24/7, rarely
having time to date.  During these years, I've taken time to grow and explore myself.  Time I wish I would have taken before I started dating in the beginning.  It was productive to do an honest self-inventory and look hard at things I needed to change.     

Recently, I've
forced myself to dip my toe into the dating pool again with a breezy new attitude.   I approach dating now more like a trip to Golden Corral, I take a spoonful of yummies on my plate and see what I like.  If I want more, I can go back for a second helping.   It's more important for me now than ever to keep things in perspective since I have more time constraints now.

 Here are some of my general tips
to get you out there on your first dates. 

1.     
Talk to and date several people, trying to NOT
focus on just one person.   This helps
keep it light and having many people to talk to prevents you from thrusting you
into a Rocky Road tailspin if you don’t get a text from a specific person.

2.     
If you find someone online you think you like,
meet them relatively soon, within about a week or so.  I’ve made this mistake, talking to someone
constantly and becoming very attached only for it to blow up in my face.  Bottom line is you have to meet the person to
know if you have physical attraction, so do this before you fall for the person
you think they are, not really the person they truly are.

3.     
If you’re a woman, my advice for how to dress
for a first date is to dress like a GOOD movie trailer.  You know, the movie trailer that doesn’t show
all the best scenes of the movie in the 60 second commercial.   Dress in a way that gives some idea of
“coming attractions” but not showing everything you have.  In essence, it’s ok to be sexy but not
slutty.

4.     
Plan a short date, not longer than a couple of
hours or so.  This way you have a built
in “out” if you don’t hit it off.  If you
do like the person, it’s also going to build intrigue for the next time.   Of course, if you really like each other and
want to continue, go with it.

5.     
Do an activity on a first date if possible, not
a dinner.   An activity helps you bond
more readily than trying to make small talk across a dinner table for 2
hours.    Go to a sporting event, play
mini golf or a wine tasting.  If you must
do a dinner date, choose something that has some built in excitement like a
hibachi restaurant or a fondue restaurant where you are actually doing
something.

6.     
In your conversation, be positive.  Talk about fun activities and positive
subjects.   Don’t bring up your ex and if
it comes up, share a casual sentence or two.  
Listen carefully about what your date has to say about their ex,
however.  It will give you a lot of clues
about if they are over that relationship and how they talk about that person
will give you a lot of insight.

7.     
Be honest as much as possible, but don’t feel
like you need to bring your tax return.

8.     
Of course meet at a neutral location and always
be cautious about your safety.

So, whether you’re going on your first date after your
divorce or your 50^th, I hope these ideas help you get your dating
mojo back.  Oh, and one of my first dates
a couple of weeks ago has potential to be something lasting.  Who knows?

Thank you for reading and please share with me your thoughts!  

Smooches,

The Single Mom

 \

For Love or Money? The Rules of Dating are Changing

I don’t know about you, but you’re much more likely to find
me riding my shiny rainbow unicorn headed off to whoop it up on Cupcake Island
than you are to find me balancing a checkbook or worse still, in some stupid
financial planning class (yawn).  The
thought of that practically dulls my glittery eye shadow.  I like living in my own world and the people here
really love me too. 

“Reality” and “finances” and other words of that type are
not allowed in my day to day vocabulary. 
I’m much more concerned with, “Is the lipgloss shiny enough?” “Are the
heels high enough?” and I buy jeans based on which one makes my booty look
better, am I worried about the price? Nah, notsomuch. 

So, imagine the pure shock and horror I felt when I first
heard that “Credit Score Dating” is a thing. 
Yes, there are new dating sites devoted to match potential dates up by
high credit scores.  If you didn’t just
throw up in your mouth a little, you need to process that concept.  I’ll wait… 

Gulp… what did you say??? Credit... Score….. Dating?  I about dropped my credit cards there for a
second…   I understand “Credit Score” and “Dating”, well
of course I know about dating! Boom, chicka, wa wa… Do I know about dating?   Yes I do thank you very much! *Cheesy wink
and air gun*

However, putting these two ideas together makes just about
as much sense to me as me putting a stick figure family on the back window of
my sassy, sexy, sports car.   

I’m middle aged, divorced and just now beginning to embrace
the flaws of said middle aged body along with the emotional shit sandwich that
life serves all of us from time to time.  
It’s tough enough for me at forty *cough, cough* to put myself “out
there” and wonder “Is he going to like me?”  “Is my rack big enough?” “Do my Spanx lines
show through my clothes?” …you know the normal checklist we all go through in
our head before we meet someone new.    Now,
I have to add one more item to the list to be self-conscious about?  You’re kidding me… right?  

When I first heard about this, I nearly marched myself straight
to the cat adoption shelter and cleaned them out, along with taking Ben &
Jerry home for a future of ice cream and kitties.   Credit
score dating was sure to be the end to my legendary career of dating, a fantasy
highlight video played in my mind of the great dates, crying ex-boyfriends
giving teary speeches and finally culminating with the ceremony where I retired
my high heels and lipgloss, waving goodbye to onlookers. 

Then I realized that I had a friend who could help me.  He’s a guy who works in the financial world
and yammers on all the time about balancing your checkbook and only buying
things you can afford and making a household budget, and a lot of useless, boring knowledge that I never paid much attention to.  

It then also dawned on me that if I didn’t make some serious
changes in my finances, that I’d no longer be able to party it up on Cupcake
Island and I wouldn’t have a unicorn, shiny or otherwise to get me there,
shitsticks!   Screw you, “Reality” – you
Sir, suck! 

I quickly hopped off my unicorn and gave my friend Britt a
call.  He sent me a lot of information
and even a video about how divorce can affect your credit score and some common
myths about relationships and credit.  He
teaches a financial planning class and also gave me some great information and
makes it easy, and almost fun.  Almost.   He made a difficult subject easier and I’m
going to share his suggestions with you about credit and divorce.  You can also email him directly at

bscearce@gmail.com for more
information or help. 

Credit
considerations when facing a Divorce

Divorce is an emotional separation that can greatly impact
your financial situation. Many people are financially fit until faced with the
economic consequences of marital separation. There are some steps you can take
to minimize money problems during what is already a stressful time.

1. 
Beware of using money or charge cards as a
marital weapon - if accounts are jointly held, you may end up paying the killer
bill.

2.  Stop charging unless you have the personal
income to pay it off in a timely fashion. Do not use credit cards to supplement
missing income.

3.   Save for moving expenses and legal fees. They
may be hefty and you should save and not charge or take new loans - unless, you
have a secure job and can pay them back as promised.

4.  Pay utilities on time - especially if they are
in your name. If you have to move and resume service, you may be asked to pay
security deposits if you have not been a good paying customer in the past. The
same goes for rent and mortgage payments. Many landlords request credit bureau
reports, and if the payment history is poor, they may refuse to rent to you.

 5.  Do not take out any new joint loans with your
spouse. If your spouse doesn't pay, you will have to pay the entire loan.

 6.   Write the credit card companies and send a
certified letter requesting a new credit card in your name only. According to
the Equal Credit Opportunity Act, they must grant you a credit card equal to
the current card's credit limit.

7.   Protect your divorce judgment. If the divorce
papers stipulate your spouse is responsible for the debts, unless you take
legal action to remove your name from the original contract, the creditor may
still pursue you in court.

8.  Base all new bills and living arrangements on
what you can reasonably afford on your own. Don't depend on child support or
alimony when making future income considerations.

9.  Read and understand any financial documents
BEFORE you sign. Make sure your attorney or financial advisor explains all the
consequences of a decision, including any penalties for early withdrawals and
income tax complications.

Here is a great video about Marriage/Divorce & Credit:

http://www.fox19.com/category/240225/video-landing-page?clipId=8559164&flvUri=&partnerclipid=&topVideoCatNo=95951&c=&autoStart=true&activePane=info&LaunchPageAdTag=homepage&clipFormat=flv

So, before you go invest in an expensive new pushup bra with
all the “special effects”, and sexy Lebotins, go balance your checkbook first
and, then go knock ‘em dead on your next date!

Thanks for reading and go have some great dates!



Has your credit score come up in conversation on a date?  How do you feel about "Credit Score Dating"?   Please connect with me in the comments below, I'd love to hear what you think!

Smooches!

The Single Mom

So, what has The Single Mom been up to?  My world has been hectic with the boys, work and a lot of self improvement.  I've been working hard and things are looking up for me!   I've also been out on several excellent dates with a couple of men I really like, but just taking it as it comes.  They are both freshly out on "the market" again from new divorces, so I'm being more cautious than normal but having a lot of fun getting to know them.  Big smooches! 

Single Men Dating Online

It has become very hard now a days to find a partner in old-school mode because of the headaches the calendar of daily life. Once she has finished with the everyday work are surrounded by new works. This kind of situation a normal person is facing. Expect all of one day to finish something else in our lives or, sometimes, we get a lot of rest. Don't have the time to find your a special duty to your plans. At the same time, you are too eager to meet your dream partner soon. What they probably do in this position?, Men dating sites online are the best option for you. You can begin your search for your partner sitting right in front of a computer. You don't need to travel a distance to meet a friend. It's so simple that you can simply pull a Chair and carry on with it.

No matter what your age, height, weight and physical appearance, there are thousands of women out there eager to meet you and look forward to your company ... If the short-term oa reports are what you want. If you've found suddenly "on-the-market" after a report it is loose or are too busy with work to spend a lot of time looking for a woman to keep you company, online dating can open the door to the scene goes back to you.

The good news is that all you need is a computer and an internet connection to get started. The first thing to do is find an online dating site that fits your needs. There are great sites that offer many extras such as live video chat and even match up with the ladies with profiles and, also, a lot of sites that cater to special interests such as religious preferences, outdoor enthusiasts, gays, etc. you must choose one or two that will suit your needs. I don't recommend the free sites. The paid sites have a money back guarantee if you are not satisfied and the investment is small. A whole month costs less than a dinner and movie date.

The next thing you need to do is write a killer, but honest, profile and upload a photo recently but flattering yourself. Now you're all set. Start contacting women whose profile looks interesting to you and respond to any woman who has contacts ... and to do it right away ... but not on public holidays or on weekends. You don't want to appear so desperate. Don't give up after a month and that you will never find the right woman for you. New people join online dating services a day and at least half of them are many Lord, you want to meet you.

Happy Valentine's Day... Feelin' the Love!

 

Hello, friends I’ve missed you so much!  I enjoy hearing from all of you and the
friendships I’ve found from sharing this part of my life with you.   I hope love or at least some extremely hot
lust has found you and life is treating you well! 

I’ve been busy with the mom thing and work.  There has been so much going on with having a
very sick boy and trying to juggle all of the normal responsibilities I have.   Without going into too much detail, my
youngest son has needed a lot of attention and my focus has been shoring up our
lives.   What little time I’ve had I have
been working out and trying to get my head together, when that didn’t work I
just drank myself stupid… hey whatever works, right?

Things ended sadly with “Latin Lover” as he and his ex-wife
reconciled to raise their child together.  
It hurt me tremendously and sucked the air out of my life
temporarily.  If you follow me on
Twitter, I had a painful tweeting meltdown right on my Twitter stream that would make me
bawl if I read today, but I’m putting him behind me.  I’ve deleted his number after all this time
and finally closed that chapter of my life, and blog… haha… sob.... 

Fortunately, just recently I’ve been able to start to have a
little bit of “me time” and even have a couple of good dates.   I’m really trying to pace myself and make
good decisions because my life is really complicated right now, so it’s just
been fun to be just be "out there" and flirting again.  I’m going to enjoy the moment and not overthink
it for now, I promise. 

I’ve heard from so many ex-boyfriends in the past week, it’s
crazy.   It is an annual Valentine’s Day
tradition much like the Swallows returning to San Juan Capistrano, so I’m more
immune to it than I’d normally be.  Some
I’ve ignored and others I’ve at least texted, blech!

One of my past long distance loves reached out to me and I
can’t bring myself to talk to him, despite his angry and sexy texts reminiscing
about our past.  It’s sad but I just can’t
open myself up to him once more.  My
heart finally gets calloused to certain people and while that’s a good thing, I
never know if I’m being too protective. 
Someday, when I’m the crazy cat lady, I’ll wonder why I was such a
crusty bitch in 2013, but for today I’m not ready to let the same person hurt
me multiple times.

So, while my Valentine’s Day “love” story doesn’t include a
meaty dude and me walking off into the sunset, it does include two boys who
call me mom and my love for myself. 
Those are more important loves for my long term happiness and don’t you
even try to talk me out of my delusions, dammit!

Thank you so much for reading!

Smooches,

 

The Single Mom

 

 

Dating and Fear of Rejection

Life Coach Advice

Single again? While we travel through life, we often end up single. There are many reasons. Could be the result of meeting the wrong person, death, deceit, falsehood, divorce, location, goals, and more. Losing a US report impacts in many ways. It can be very painful, or it can be very refreshing, or in any medium. No matter what the cause or the degree of pain, there is a truth that we all share: we don't want to end up alone. We want to find companionship.

In order to enter into a new relationship, we must be willing to meet and hang out with people. It is our own fear, however, that is often in the middle.

We are afraid to get rejected.
We are afraid to have a bad time.
We are afraid of getting hurt.
We are afraid of having to refuse someone else.

All these fears are valid still easily exceed. If someone refuses, it just means that that person feels that it is not right for them. Believe me, there's someone else that I'd be with you. You must accept the rejection. It is only through trying to arrive to the correct person.

Many dates and relationships do not work. You can look back and think of it as a bad time. It's good to have a bad time. Only through bad dates arrive at good dates. It is through our bad relationships that we have the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and what we want, to approach then relations with more knowledge to succeed.

Nobody wants to get hurt, but if you don't have the courage to fall in love and get hurt, we cannot be in love. Getting hurt is part of the process. Let's get through it and the pain goes away. The best part is that there is a new love waiting for you.

You may also be afraid to refuse someone. The truth is that no one is forced to be with someone who isn't right for them. Rejection is part of the process of dating and relationships.

Change how you watch and see it as a favor. When you deny someone who are releasing or she going to find someone who really appreciate that person. Look at it this way even when someone refuses. After all, you don't really want to be with someone who you don't want to? It is better to be free to find someone who really wants to be with you.

Can you predict the future? I can't. In fact, most of us don't think we can. Yet we continue to believe in self-limiting thoughts about the future. We believe so strongly in these thoughts that allow them to prevent us from moving forward and realize opportunities.

Rather than anticipate the pain, can I predict to you that if you embrace the process of dating instead of watching life go by, you have good times and bad. I can also predict that these good times and bad will take you to even better times.

Embrace the journey and release your fear.