The Chilly Days after the Steamy Night with "Man Candy"

As the “morning after” went on, I started to come down from
the emotional high of waking up next to Man Candy and all the happy flashbacks
of the night before started to be replaced with questions.   I started to wonder what did last night
mean, what would happen next and was he starting to have deeper feelings for
me. 

I tried to toss these thoughts out
of my mind and just try to enjoy the rush, but it became harder and harder as
the hours passed.    An image of our steamy night, bathed in salty kisses and intense lovemaking flashed in my memory, but just as quickly, it was replaced by an uneasy feeling of thinking I'd made a mistake.  My body was washed over in pleasure and I enjoyed smelling his cologne linger on my skin, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right.

We kept in touch, not much change in our communication
patterns and I consciously tried to not be a “girl” and dig deep into his
feelings or probe him for any change in our closeness.    I
read and reread every text three or four times to try to sniff out a hidden
meaning or some hint of closeness, only to find nothing to hang hope on. 

We met the next Sunday afternoon to watch football.  It was a beautiful day with clear blue skies
and the first day that the breezes started to feel more like fall and at the same
time that summer was slipping away fast.  
The place we met was a local spot that we met up for beers last winter.  Today, we went outside and were seated on an
outdoor patio surrounded by lively football fans, cheering on their team and
downing wings and beers.   



The mood was cheerful and we enjoyed the
sunshine on our faces and being able to see the football game from
outdoors.  We had beers, snacks and enjoyed the game.  During commercials, we chatted about our
usual subject matter, kids, work, sports but nothing of any depth.     After the game, I decided to get home to
get a jump start on the week ahead.  
There were groceries to buy and the boys’ laundry to fold and put away.   I was enjoying my time with Man Candy but
there really didn’t seem to be a reason to stay. 

Our conversation seemed more forced than normal and although
it was comfortable it just didn’t seem like we were cutting through basic small
talk.   We said our goodbyes and I made my way back
through the crowded bar to the entrance.  
As I walked to my car, it began to irritate me that he didn’t walk me
out and kiss me goodbye. 

I had a 20 minute drive home to think about this more and I
became more irritated.  When I came to my
exit, I pulled over at the first parking lot and texted him how he seemed distant
today and I didn’t understand why.   I
put my car in drive and began to roll forward when I received his reply.  He seemed angry and told me I was nuts and that
he was just his normal self.    I fired back that he could have walked me out
and kissed me goodbye and thought it was odd that he didn’t.   

His reply was that he was sorry and it wasn’t
intentional.    I accepted his apology but started to realize
that we were in two completely different places emotionally.   I had to realize that I couldn’t expect him
to have some kind of spiritual connection with me during a football game, but I
didn’t want to feel like a piece of furniture either. 

During the next week, he seemed a little more distant than
normal and I realized he probably wasn’t going to develop deeper feelings for
me.   I knew if I wanted to hang out with
him, watch a game and share some beers, I was in luck.  However, if I wanted to have the closeness
that we used to have, it didn’t seem possible. 

The next few days passed along without incident.  On Friday, we didn’t have any plans for the
weekend and out of frustration I sent him a text that afternoon that I wanted
to talk.   He called me right away and I took a walk to
overlook the river to take his call.  He was
concerned about what I had to say and encouraged me to talk.  

I explained that I didn’t see us moving in a
forward direction and that I was frustrated and disappointed.   He opened up about some issues about his son
and his ex that have been taking his attention the past few days.  There had been some drama and they had been
going back and forth about homework and schedules. 

I took this time to tell him some observations about his ex
that I’ve been keeping to myself for weeks.  
I basically unloaded how I felt she was using him and controlling his
life and I was probably too blunt.  It
bothered me how this was going on and I finally spilled my guts about it.  He was quiet for a few moments which seemed
much longer than they really were.  

He agreed with everything that I said and thanked me for
bringing it all to his attention.   He
saw a new reality that somehow he’d been denying all along and he couldn’t
argue with anything I said.  I apologized
for saying it the way I did, but that I wanted him to be able to make
changes.    This opened up a whole new
conversation and I told him that I was here to help him in any way I could and
that I wished he’d told me what had been happening.     

It felt like we had made some real progress and it felt like
we were almost like a team and he trusted my opinion.   He
asked if he could see me tonight after work and I invited him to come along
with my colleagues after we finished and have some beers with us.  He said he’d text me and that he was looking
forward to the evening. 

I checked my phone several times and his text finalizing our
plans never came.  I went ahead with my
plans and enjoyed chatting with my coworkers after an intense week.    It was a relief that the long week was
finally behind us and the drinks were taking the edge off of the past few
days.    I texted him simply, “WTH?”  and before I could put the phone down, it
rang. 

Of course it was him calling to tell me that he was feeling
depressed and couldn’t force himself to go out like he originally planned.   It was
so loud in the bar and I wasn’t going to continue to have a conversation with
him while I could be having fun with my friends.   He clearly wasn’t putting in the same effort
and I wasn’t going to let it bother me.  
I told him we’d talk later and I continued enjoying time with my
friends.   It affected me and it hurt my feelings,
because I started to hope that we had turned a corner, but deep down, I didn’t
count on it either. 

I spent the next day cleaning, organizing and tossing out
stuff.  I’m not sure why, but during
emotional times like this, I clean out my closet, maybe I just feel like I need
to regain control of something, anything so I took my frustration out for “Man
Candy” out on my innocent walk in closet. 
  

Later that evening, I met a girlfriend for appetizers and a
drink to replay the past few days and get her opinion.  She listened and agreed that there didn’t seem
to be any reason to think he’d change and that I should stop communicating with
him.

That night, when I got home, I was beyond worn down.  I was both drained and physically exhausted.   As I slipped into bed, I texted “Man Candy” a
simple goodbye, telling him that I care about him but it’s time to part
ways.    It wasn’t necessary to talk again and rehash
everything, it was clear where we both stood and that there wasn’t a point of
dragging it out longer.  

He apologized for sending me mixed messages and I was a
little bitchy with my response.   I know
he didn’t mean to hurt me but he still did and that it didn’t make it hurt less.   My anger was pushing my sadness down and I
was still feeling bitchy, not sad.    He said goodbye and that he’ll miss me
too.   I read his words several times but
I couldn’t cry, I just mocked his text repeating his words in a sarcastic
tone.  I knew it was immature, but it was
easier than feeling disappointment and rejection.

I texted my other best friend, a guy who is much younger
than me, but somehow we are incredibly close. 
I knew he’d be working the late shift and that he’d know just what to
say to comfort my battered heart.    He immediately returned my text and was
incredibly sweet, offering to talk if I needed to.    I
thanked him for being so sweet but I didn’t feel like talking.  

I then sent a couple of pathetic, whiny texts about what
happened and how sad I was that it ended up like this.  I was aware of how lame I was and he texted
me back with a perfect response.   He
told me that I’m a beautiful woman inside and out and that “Man Candy” would
someday realize what a great woman he lost.  
Although it was a “textbook” reply, it still touched me profoundly and
my eyes started to fill with tears, finally. 

I thanked him for saying that and sent him a short and sweet
text back.   My tears were flowing and I
could barely see enough to read anymore.  
My eyes closed and I let the tears stream down my face.   Although he texted me a couple more sweet texts, I
didn’t see them until morning because I was already asleep…  dreaming a new dream.



Thank you so much for reading!!!



Smooches,



The Single Mom





Sorry I've been out of action for so long, life has been incredibly busy and stressful.   I'm in the thick of looking for a new job and it's been a lot of time and stress, but very important.    I also did an appearance on Huffington Post Live,  a panel conversation.  I've been asked to do another one and it just hasn't worked out, so hopefully, I'll be able to do one soon.   I've also been doing a regular Friday morning radio show talking about dating and relationships, so that's been fun to do and great to help people with their dating questions.   I've also struck out again on the dating scene, a couple of dates to catch you up on soon... not sure what to make of it all, but I'm putting myself back out there again, so I guess that's a good thing, we will see won't we?   Smooches!!! 

 

A Steamy, Fun Date with Man Candy

 

 

A passionate fantasy reel played in my mind while I was
getting ready for my fifth date with “Man Candy”.  This wasn’t JUST our fifth date, but this is
our second go around of dating.  We’ve
been walking a blurry line of passion and friendship since our casual
reconnection over beers earlier this summer.   
The dates have had a lot of conversation, sharing and long, passionate
makeout sessions on the way back to our cars.

Our emotional connection was always there, since the very
first time we spoke.   We have a lot in
common, see the world in a pretty similar way and we are both laid back about
most things.    We’ve had a comfort level
being together, the conversation has flowed easily but if there does happen to
be silence, it doesn’t seem awkward.

The physical chemistry has been effortless also.   I’m particular about kissing and he kisses
me exactly the way I like.   We both have
a naughty side, again a perfect match.  
I respect a lot about him, probably one of the traits I like the best is
that he doesn’t sleep around.  He’s not a
dude who goes clubbing and takes a different woman home every night.   He’s a one woman kind of a guy, extremely
picky and maybe even guarded but doesn’t go through women like a lot of men I
meet.

With all that being said, I wasn’t ready for my clothes to
end up on his floor at the end of the night, but I was looking forward to
spending more time with him.  It was a
Saturday night and neither one of us had our kids.   I wanted to do something different on our
date and we had tickets to a comedy show.  
The week was a long one and I was looking forward to a fun night out.    

Admittedly, I took a long time getting ready for the
evening.   I chose my new favorite top,
in teal.   It’s a beautiful color and
looks great with summer tanned skin and also draws out my blue eyes… well all
that AND it makes my boobs look huge, so that’s probably the honest reason I
chose it.   I’ve been losing a little
weight and pulling myself back up out of my bitchy, cranky, depression.    So,
it was actually a fun to take a long time getting ready, plucking eyebrows,
exfoliating every follicle and of course the telltale leg shaving.   

As I had one of these fantasy daydreams about the evening,
my logical mind would push out the fleshy imagery right back out of my brain
and put the panties back on.    I didn’t
want to repeat our past mistakes but I haven’t let myself get quite as attached
this time either.    I packed a toothbrush, contact solution and a
red silky chemise, well just in case I needed some overnight essentials…

Our night got off to a great start, lots of passionate
kisses that cued up the fantasy daydream reel in my mind.   My body was following right along where my
mind was going and I could feel myself wanting more.   Our eyes locked on each other’s between
kisses just long enough to build more desire and kiss again even harder.  Our kissing sesh had to stop abruptly as we
rushed off to make the show in time.  It
was raining lightly and it was difficult trying to jog in stiletto, but we made
it. 

We were seated quickly, ordered drinks that quickly came and
thoroughly enjoyed the show.  There was a
lot of material about being single and we made eye contact during the
performances, sharing in on the laughter together.  It was a great release after an exhausting
week and good for both of us. 

The drinks were especially strong and my alcohol tolerance
is especially weak.   I was in a jovial mood and the effects of the
liquor were more obvious when I tried to stand.   After the show it was still reasonably early
and we were having fun.  We decided to
catch the end of the baseball game on tv at the restaurant on the way out. 

It was crowded with lots of beautiful single people,
bachelorette party groups and sports fans watching the game.   The music was upbeat, there were buoyant
conversations and loud cheers about the action on the tv.     We were talking over all the noise and
having a good time.   I ordered a drink
and a water, as I knew I needed to slow down.

My plan to stop drinking was foiled by of all things, a
woman who bought me a drink, well a shot to be more exact.  She struck up a conversation, winked at me
curiously and bought me a shot.  The
drink immediately made me regret accepting it and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to
handle myself.   We decided to make a quick exit and he helped me
make my way through the crowd.

It was a beautiful night outside, the trees were lit
beautifully and the night’s sky was clear overhead.   There was live music and lots of activity in
the courtyard.  He pulled me close and
kissed me hard while we waited for the elevator down to my car.   I wasn’t going to even attempt to drive, and
he insisted to take my keys.   In the
car, we shared a few lingering kisses, enjoying a rare moment of privacy. 

He drove the short drive to his house and I tried my best to
walk in my high heels feeling the full effects of my drinks.  I grabbed my purse, but intentionally left my
“overnight” bag in the car.

The first moments alone in his house were a little
awkward.    It was actually a little
surreal to finally be alone together, after so many hot make out sessions in
dark parking lots.   It was weird finally
being in his house after all this time of knowing him, seeing where he sleeps
and showers every day.  It was a typical
guy’s bedroom, simple and just about the opposite of my canopy draped girly
boudoir.  

I planned on only hanging out for an hour or so and leaving
when I was sober.   He offered for me to
get comfortable and stay as long as I needed to until I felt ready to drive,
including overnight.  I thanked him and
knew I needed to let some time pass before I could drive home.   My
contacts were irritating and I mentioned that I wanted to take them out.  This innocent comment led to him asking me if
brought a case with me.  I answered that
it was in my car, and with that he swooped in like a gentleman and retrieved my
things for me.   

As I brushed my teeth and slipped out of my clothes and into
my silky red chemise, he was in the other room checking Facebook and email.

We both were exhausted and headed straight for bed.  It felt natural, almost ordinary in fact to
crawl into bed, pull the covers down and lay next to him.   He put
his arm around me and our mouths found each other in the darkness, sharing
sweet goodnight kisses.    My hands
caressed his chest and biceps, gently and it was cozy being tucked in under his
arm.     

 

Our kissing switched from sweet and gentle to passionate and
hungry within just a few seconds.   His
hand grabbed my breast tightly as his kiss felt literally like he was inhaling
me.   My arm slid around the small of his
waist, drawing him closer to me and then over his boxer briefs.   He kissed my neck hard and my desire for him
was becoming unbearable. 

He ran his fingers through my hair as he kissed me hard, causing
me to want him now and I told him so.  In
the next moment, his boxer briefs were on the floor and our bodies were joined
together.    It was exactly as I
remembered and the passion was even better this time.   It was incredibly hot and even more so being
this close, sweat from his brow dripped onto me and our kisses tasted salty
from kissing each other’s skin.

After, we fell asleep in each other’s arms.   When I awoke, I realized I had slept so
deeply that it felt almost like I was waking up from a surgery.   I
haven’t slept that deeply in a very long time and it felt good to wake up next
to him.    We shared morning breath
kisses which only lead to another lovemaking session, again perfect in every
way.

We shared some snuggling and casual chit chat but I had to
get my day started.  I got dressed and
tried to smooth my hair down.   He dressed also and we shared a few more
kisses as I pulled on the teal blouse from the night before.    I
drove the long drive home with a smile on my face, replaying the real fantasy
reel of fresh memories in my mind.   

I didn’t want to analyze what I was feeling or
what he might be feeling in this moment right now.   I did enjoy smelling his cologne still on my skin and replaying the night in my mind.  It felt like we were making progress and I was happy about the hot summer night with Man Candy… but would the sweetness last… ? 

Thanks so much for reading!

Smooches,

The Single Mom

 

.    

 

Cocktails, a big confession... and a couple of nibbles of "Man Candy"

 

It was a beautiful evening when I stepped out to meet “Man
Candy” at the restaurant overlooking the river.   This was our fourth date on our second go
around.  Since he’s an ex in “dating
math” that’s practically the matching sweaters stage, or at least completely
respectable to have intimate relations (translation: hot monkey sex…).   

Going into the date before this, I wasn’t exactly sure if it
was a trip to the “friend zone” or to ‘lovers lane”… but after a steamy makeout
session and blood rushing to various naughty bits, I could easily rule out the
friend zone, check.  However, the last
question I wanted to ask myself was “where are we, where is this going?”   I enjoyed this stage of flirting, kissing
and talking – there didn’t have to be any exchanges of promises or bodily
fluids for me to be happy.  In fact, I’m
trying to hold my heart back and to be honest it hasn’t been too hard because
he is too. 

I didn’t have a game plan mapped out for this date or any
specific moves.  In fact, I worked late
and had to rush getting ready for the night.  
It was a hot summer night and I wore a very sexy number that showed a
lot of cleavage and yet was sexy without being slutty.    He smiled when he saw me and greeted me
with a tight hug and a kiss.  

We were seated in the crowded restaurant, ordering drinks
and catching each other up on our days. 
Now that we are in the routine of keeping in touch every day, the
conversation flowed easily.   We talked
about the first time we dated (6 months ago) and how this time was different.  He admitted that there was so much about me
that he didn’t know the first time because he didn’t exactly give me a chance
to share a lot of myself to him.  He went
on to say that the things that he knows about me now make him like me a lot
more. 

He stopped short of thanking me per se for seeing him again,
but that it was a pleasure to get to know all my layers.   I added that the first time we dated that
when we were out, we had our hands all over each other and now we do more
talking.    I explained that one of the
reasons I agreed to see him again and to even consider a romantic reunion was
that he wasn’t the kind of man who had sex for sport.  It meant something to him and he didn’t sleep
around.   He became quiet and took a deep breath before
he confessed that he hasn’t been with anyone since we broke up in
February.  My words came slowly and I
looked down before I spoke them, then meeting his eyes again, telling him that
I hadn’t been with anyone else either.    

Our words seemed to float in the air, our eyes were locked
on each other and everything else seemed to be frozen around us.  It was one of those moments in life that
feels like a slow motion.   The heart
that I had previously been so successful holding onto was now thumping hard in
my chest.   I looked down at his mouth
approaching mine and then again at his eyes before closing my eyes.   I felt his lips and we shared a long, passionate
kiss.  The kiss seemed to make the words
official.  

We paid the check and he walked me to my car.   Finally, we had some privacy and our makeout
sesh became intense, maybe too intense for the parking garage.  We were startled by the sarcastic honk of a
passing car.  The driver obviously didn’t
care about this turning point in our relationship, whatever… lol.   

He was a little embarrassed about the passing car, but I
didn’t care and I kissed him harder, pressing him against my car.  As I kissed him, I was also mentally
processing what he told me and trying to decide if it really made a difference
or if I was exaggerating it because I wanted it to mean something.   My thoughts raced as he pulled me tighter to
him, now kissing my neck.  I could
instantly feel my defenses melt and wished I didn’t have to go home tonight, yet
knowing it was best that I did.   I
yanked him by his belt loops against me and gasped when I did, feeling his obvious
desire.

Leaving him was difficult but I knew I should.   We exchanged short kisses and as we parted,
we were reluctant to let go of each other’s hands.    The drive home was a daydream with romantic scenes
from our past, tonight and what it would be like to sleep next to him again.   Admittedly, I was loosening the tight grip
of my heart and for the moment it didn’t really seem to matter.

Thank you for reading... next date is even hotter... hubba hubba!

 

Other Awesome News!!!

I’ve been doing a regular show on a radio station and it’s
so much fun!  I talk about dating,
relationships and…    You can listen too,
or even call in and talk to me 513.579.1160.   I go on air at about 8:15ish, EST, so listen
to me if you can!  Smooches!!

http://www.realtalk1160.com/

 

Smooches!!

The Single Mom

Another Sexy Date with an eX - Man Candy

Solving for the eX....

This might come as a total shock to most of my regular
readers, but I DON’T sit around pondering String theory or the Pythagorean theorem.  However  I say with equal parts of humility and sarcasm
that I’m pretty sure I’ve uncovered a universal truth, a formula that will no doubt
put me in the same consideration as Einstein,  Socrates and Pythagorean, whoever he was.   To solve for X, it is important to break
down the Y first.  X = eX of course and Y
= WHY?  As in… “why the HELL did you dump
my ass, you douche?”   

I’ve taken a lot of heat for going back out with my ex, “Man
Candy” for a second time.  Probably
because I frequently say that going out with an ex is a bad idea and one shouldn’t
do it, unless you’re a total raving dumbass.   Also, the way we ended was abrupt and
confusing and I get that.   I digress…
but my point here is that my “rule” of not dating an ex, probably should have
some EXceptions, based on maybe the why’s of the breakup.  X-Y = a “maybe” for seeing Man Candy again.

The first time around, we did everything “smart” and “right”
leading up to having sex, didn’t rush into it and thought it was the right
decision, when we finally did the nasty. 
Well, ya that waiting thing didn’t work out so well for me now did
it?   I remember picking up the pieces of
my broken heart after all that, of course I haven’t forgotten.   A lot happened after we broke up and my life
became exponentially more stressful and dating was about the last thing on my
mind, for a long time.

To be totally upfront with you, I feel partially like being
out on a date with him now is my way of easing back into dating…. Whether
that’s right or wrong, I just feel like he’s my training wheels or
something.  I’m still trying to find my
balance and not sure that meeting someone totally new is a good idea right now. 

I’m also struggling with trying to discern if I’m being
objective about my going back to an ex and thinking about it from a lot of
different angles.  I recently got
irritated with a man I was talking to when he went back to his ex, after using
me to get through the emotional heavy lifting of the first few weeks of their
breakup.  She cheated on him with his
best friend and she had thrown a brick through a window of his truck.   Ok, so
that “Y” is because she was bat shit crazy, don’t get back together.  Duh.

So here’s what’s different with my situation with “Man Candy”,
since we broke up he had a dose of reality, not meeting anyone that he remotely
liked and had doubts about why he let me go. 
He also had a monumental life changing event that I’ll tell you more
about in a second… but suffice it to say that he’s rethinking a lot.   I know, I know… I feel your cynicism and I
agree, I have it too.   Yet, I’m being
different and smarter, holding back a lot myself and truly dating him to have
fun.  Crazy thought, huh?  Yeah.  
I’m at a different place than I have been, maybe ever.   I mean don’t get me wrong if things go well,
I’m open to that, just not losing any sleep about it. 

Speaking of sleep, It was a coincidence, but I texted him on
a day last week that one of his close friends was killed in a car accident – I
happened to get his text with this news while I was sound asleep.    I could tell he was upset from the tone and
my sleepy brain woke up to answer his text with concern and I invited him to
call me even though it was very late.   He hasn’t called me for a long time and I was
shocked when a few minutes later he did.  
He went on and on about the car accident, the details and how it made
big news and the driver that killed him was being irresponsible, essentially he
rambled and I listened.  He was angry and
understandably so. 

He talked about his friend’s son left behind and the wife,
memories of them in college and playing ball through the years.   His voice cracked and so did mine as I tried
to find words to console him, keeping my voice down to not wake up my boys down
the hall.   We talked until after 1:00
and when we signed off he seemed genuinely grateful that I was there to talk to
him. 

Over the next few days, we traded texts and I could tell how
hard he was taking it.  He didn’t want to
talk, he was fighting the darkness, hard.   It broke my heart, honestly and yet I knew he
wanted and probably needed space.   The
funeral was almost a week later, and that had to just make it feel like it was an
eternity, ugh.    I let it go and stopped making the first move
to reach out to him.   He knew I cared
but I didn’t want to smother him either, it was a fine line.    I’m also walking this fine line with him to
not put me dead in the friend zone either. 
  

Simultaneously, my emotions were going through a bit of a
rollercoaster.   I’m dealing with some
teenage rebellion issues from my oldest son and also fighting some of my own
dormant grief from my mom’s death.  In a
nutshell, I’ve been emotional lately and going through this alongside Man Candy
reminded me how short life is and how I vowed to make sure I never forgot that,
though I honestly have.

I was inspired by all this emotion to actually have
feelings, and actually do something about having them… haha.   So, I did something that wasn’t a huge risk
but enough of one for me… I wrote on my personal Facebook page (he is one of my
friends on it) something about how life is short and not to take people for
granted.   He’s rarely on Facebook and I didn’t do it
exactly to inception his brain, I just kind of put it out there, so to speak.

The following day, he sent me a text inviting me out for a
drink after work.   I had to juggle some things around, but was
pretty sure I could make it.   Luckily I
had makeup with me at work and something cute, but not slutty to wear.   I primped and was excited to see him, but
again not sure if this was consoling a friend or a date.   Either way, I hunkered down prepared for
either scenario.

We set up a meeting nearby on the river, it was a gorgeous
night.  I was in a great mood singing
along with the radio but planning what to say. 
The song on the radio was some mindless pop song, the chorus was “I want
you back… I want you back, wa wa want you back…”   When I realized what I was singing I
switched the song quickly and made a sarcastic face, convincing myself for a
second (or less) that I didn’t want him back…  

When I arrived, he greeted me warmly, smiled and hugged me
very close and long.   I followed him to a table overlooking the
river.   We ordered drinks and snacks and the
conversation flowed easily.   I started
first, updating him about some pretty big news going on in my life,  and he was really excited for me.  He was supportive and listened intently.    We laughed, talked easily and the drinks
were kicking in.    He started opening up
about his friend,  his voice cracked as
he spoke, and he looked directly at me as he explained what happened.  I listened as he shared memories of his
friend and how this was the hardest loss he’s experienced, mostly because of
the shock.   I shared how my mom died suddenly and how that
was hard and I could somewhat understand his loss.  

We talked for hours, literally about everything.    It felt good talking to him and I know
although he is a communicative man, that he doesn’t have a lot of people he can
freely express himself to like this.   His icy grey eyes were locked on me as I kept
my attention on him and well I’m not gonna lie, I did notice the way his
muscles looked under his shirt.   He
teased me about my leopard print shirt and it was obvious that he was looking
at the way my chest filled out the tightly fitting shirt. 

The waiter came to freshen our drinks and I ran to the
ladies room for a minute, as this was a natural break to step away.   I freshened up my lipgloss and chewed a
breath mint as I walked back to our table. 
 

I teasingly pinched his arm for teasing me about my shirt a
few minutes ago.   He smiled and his arms quickly swept around my
waist as he drew me tightly to him in a long passionate kiss, perhaps
inappropriate kiss.   We were oblivious
to those around us and it felt like his kisses were melting me, our bodies were
against each other tightly and it was probably too intense for the
setting.  We took a short break to
continue the pinching and teasing, but started kissing again in the middle of a
sentence.    Obviously what we had to say wasn’t more
important than kissing.

He paid for the drinks and we left, to see an overlook of
the river and the beautiful night’s sky. 
The stars were shining and several boats were out on the river, and the
city in the background was beautifully lighting up the sky.    We kissed a few times, stronger and harder
than before at  the table, my hands found
his front jeans pockets and pulled his body against mine as his mouth engulfed
mine.   As I kissed him, I bit his lower
lip and he groaned in pleasure and pulled me tighter against him. 

He must have caught himself and realized that we should walk
towards our cars.    When we found my car, he immediately started
kissing me and pushed me forcefully against my car.  He stopped and looked at me, glared at me even
as he ran his hands through my hair, pulling it all to one side as he yanked it
hard and then planted another forceful kiss on my expectant mouth.  His body pressed hard against me as I felt
his passion for me growing. 

The voices of another couple walking by us made him pull
back and stop kissing me.  I shot him a
disapproving glare as I yanked him tightly against me again by his
pockets.     I then kissed him hard,
pulling his chest against mine and biting his lip again.   His
hands swept around my ass, pulling me against him, he made sure I felt the
force of him, grinding slightly against me. 
I moaned slightly, uncontrollably as my memory recalled how he felt
inside me.  My body wanted to continue
with that memory, but my brain was fighting it. 
 As we kissed, I tasted blood and
made a little joke about it between more kisses and nibbles.   

We said our goodnights, and I headed home with a smile on my
face but my brain still intact in my head.   Thank you for reading!

Smooches,

The Single Mom

What we’ve learned from Fifty Shades of Grey

In just a few words:  women
are horny.  Please allow me to expand on
my hypothesis…

I don’t remember the first time this book popped into my
consciousness, but it seemed to be like a typhoon in my conservative, upper
income, suburb.   My neighborhood friends
were all hot and bothered by it, lighting up Facebook, posting statuses that
rivaled the passion of someone sportin a new SUV on the cul de sac.    It reminded me of when my junior high
passed around a copy of The Amityville
Horror and the hysteria that book inspired in my junior high.   Yet this was a different hysteria and I
can’t help but to put my own sarcastic and irreverent spin on the horny
housewife humpfest summer of 2012…

This book opened up a sexual Pandora’s Box that has touched
many a nerve… well and maybe a few specific nerves… wink wink.   I’ve been invited to women’s sex toy parties
inspired by this book and Magic Mike parties.     My married friends were disappointed that
I didn’t join them to see this oiled up six pack and man meat
gyrations on the big screen.  

I admit it sounds kinda good, but having a night out to
indulge in a fantasy isn’t as necessary for me as it is to them, I haven’t been
waking up to the same dude for 20 plus years like they have.   To restate this in my totally mature writing
voice: “nanananabooboo”.

If this Shades of Grey
craziness has taught me anything, it’s that a lot of middle age women have a
sexual craving that isn’t being fulfilled or even expressed.   How sad is that?    It’s easy to talk about going to see a hot, greased
up, sexy dude in a G-string shake his man meat, but it’s far more difficult to
talk about the deeper longing some women apparently have.    

The role I play for my married friends is the guinea pig.    Their curiosity was peaked after reading 50 Shades
and they asked me if the s&m sexual relationship like the one portrayed in
the book was “normal” out there in dating land. 
 A few of them were so aroused by
the dominance in the book that they wanted to experiment with it in their own
bedrooms.    Maybe make it their own in a freaky, married,
missionary style wackiness, but still. 

It hit me in a profound way once I thought about it from a
totally different perspective.   Men are
portrayed as sexual beasts and it’s accepted as a reality in our culture to
some extent an expectation that men are driven by sexual urges – encouraged even.
  Yet, when a woman has the same urges
and God forbid acts upon them, our society is quick to throw a label all over
her.   Think about what words we have to describe a
sexually active man, I can’t think of one. 
Yet compare that to what we call the same woman: slut, whore, loose,
etc…  

We’ve come a long way since being a little hard on the
Beaver last night and cooking dinner wearing a string of pearls, but how do we
go further?   Obviously, talking about it is a huge
step.   Next, how do we remove the stigma
that a sexual woman isn’t something hideous? 
 I’d like to throw a challenge out
there to anyone reading this that you pause and think about it next time you instinctively
label a woman for being sexual.  

Here’s my 2 pennies:  for
me being sexual works better when there are some boundaries, not platinum and
diamond ones, but some.   For starters I
need, respect, attraction, understanding or in a pinch tequila.   It
just works better I’m not going to have to not make eye contact with someone or
I’m worried that I’ll never hear from the dude again.  Wishful thinking?  Yes of course, but I’m going to always go for
what I want.

I encourage you to push out your comfort zone a little, think about
expanding your bedroom routine.   I can
tell you that since being single and being at the smorgasbord, I’ve liked a few
things put on my plate… wink, wink.   

Thank you for reading and have a little fun out there.

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Three Exes and a Lady (Part Two) - Sexy Dates with "Man Candy"

Ex #3 – Man Candy

You may remember “Man Candy” from earlier this year.  We were developing a close, fun and
passionate bond during the cold days and nights of winter.    I was
just beginning to envision him in my life but was blindsided when things
abruptly ended between us.  One of his
biggest reasons for ending it was the distance between us and how much I
work.    In the months that have passed, my work
assignment has taken me to a location about 5 minutes from where he lives,
compared to the daunting 45 minute barrier we had in the past. 

One night several weeks ago after a long day at work, my
coworkers and I had a beer or two to put the day behind us.  (Enter the dreaded drunk text… yup!   I’m taking full advantage of a low alcohol
tolerance and “Mr. Coors” is the beer that made me do this ill-advised move.)  Mr. Coors told me it was a GREAT idea to text
Man Candy and that he was eagerly awaiting a text from me.   Unfortunately, I totally listened to him and
took his advice.    The pithy, little
text gem of 140 characters or less said something like ”hey I work near where
you live and you should meet me for a drink sometime”.  Of course it wouldn’t be a drunk text without
sloppy spelling mistakes and a smiley face using a colon and a parenthesis.   Duh, I keep it classy like that, people.

Imagine how surprised I was about 20 minutes later to open
his reply telling me that he’d like to do that sometime soon.   Score one for the drunk girl:  Whoooo!!!  
Although it was great hearing back from him, I didn’t expect anything
really except a enjoying a summer night overlooking the river and casual chit
chat over a beer.   I was careful to not let myself have any
daydreams of us running at each other with arms wide open across a daisy field
or anything else remotely like it.  This
was just going to be a casual beer, no biggie. 

He texted early the next week to set up a time to get
together and we made plans for the next night.    He suggested the little spot on the river,
near my office.   Admittedly, I did primp
quite a bit, wore something cute but not trashy and rocked the extra high
heels.   As I ran into a coworker on the way out, she
commented on how nice I looked,  I
thought she was just noticing that I looked different since I usually don’t
wear much makeup.    I told her I was
meeting an ex for a drink and was careful to NOT use the word “date”.   

He was waiting outside the bar for me, looked great and
greeted me nicely with a hug.  Admittedly, the first
few minutes were slightly awkward.   My
mindset was self-protective and completely different than the first time I met
him.   In the first few minutes, I was
trying to decide if I was still attracted to him.  I couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking
the same as I sipped on my beer.

We were seated outside on the patio overlooking the river on
a beautiful summer night.  We talked
about our kids, jobs and lives in general. 
Basically, we caught each other up on the past several months.   The tone was unusually serious, which was a
little odd for our typical conversations. 
I think we were both being cautious instead of having a good time and
enjoying ourselves. 

When the conversation moved into our personal lives, he
shared that he isn’t seeing anyone and has had really awful luck in the dating
world lately.   He said things like
“giving up” and I could tell that he meant it.  
I explained that I’ve been working hard and not actively dating much.   We talked and shared for a few hours, with no
awkward silences.   I was intentionally very careful to not flirt
or send any kind of message that I was interested in seeing him again.    

The night flew by and he walked me toward the
elevators.   The sky was beautiful and we
were surrounded by people out enjoying the evening.  

We exchanged a nice hug and I was shocked when he turned his
face and kissed me.  I was caught off
guard and it was a little bit of an awkward kiss at first, but ended much
better.    He said he’d like to get together again
sometime if I’d be open for that.    I
quickly nodded and made a fast exit.  

As I got into my car, I couldn’t help myself but I was
excited, maybe giddy even.  I had a long
drive home and thought of him most of the time.   The
kiss was completely unexpected and it struck me that it had been a long time
that one kiss had been such a big deal.  
It made me realize that I’ve sometimes moved too fast and enjoying the
moment of a goodnight kiss was a pure and simple pleasure.

Over the next few weeks, we kept in touch here and there but
couldn’t actually get together until just last week.  We planned a date, meeting after I was
finished at work on a Friday night.    I
had to be up very early the next day, but having a drink and male company was
worth getting a little less sleep.

I took several minutes in the restroom to straighten my
hair, apply makeup, spray my vanilla perfume in strategic places and put on my
sexy heels before I left to meet him.    It was a great day at work and I was in a
silly mood and was a little excited to see him. 

It took me a few minutes to spot him, but saw him drinking a
beer and watching a baseball game seated at the bar.   I walked over to join him and he greeted me
with a nice long hug.   A waitress took
my order in a few minutes and delivered my beer quickly as we jumped right into
a conversation.    I’m not sure if he was
in a great mood or if my silliness rubbed off on him, but we were cracking each
other up.  It was random and probably
borderline immature conversation, but completely fun and light.  

I know I didn’t intentionally touch his thigh, but when I
casually placed it there as I was trying to make a point; I froze for a few
seconds.  I caught myself and for a few
moments I didn’t know what to do.   He
picked up on my fear and, smiled not seeming to mind in the slightest.   The chemistry between us was building, and as
the night continued, we were sitting noticeably closer. 

We were having a lot of fun and chatting about the sports we
were watching.   He was teasing me in a
playful way and it started to feel like the connection we had the first time
had returned.    Some of the
conversations were continuations of things we teased each other about this past
winter.  It started to feel very natural
to be together again and things were flowing smoothly between us. 

I didn’t want to end the evening and I stayed out longer
than I planned to, but it was time for me to say goodnight.   He walked me out and this time I noticed he
placed his hand gently on the small of my back as he guided me out of the
restaurant.   

It was a clear night, lots of people around and faint music
in the background.   He walked me to the
elevator where we had to go our separate ways. 
He jokingly offered me his knuckles to do a knuckle bump as our
goodnight exchange.   I looked at him
with a furrowed brow and pursed lips to express my dislike. 

He quickly swept his arms around my waist, drew me in close
and kissed me.    He kissed me
romantically and softly at first but it became increasingly more
passionate.    We broke our kiss and
looked at each other, I was quite aware of the dreamy look I had on my
face.  He smiled at me, and seemed to be
laughing at me about the expression on my face. 
 

He quickly pulled me against him again and began kissing me
passionately where the last kiss left off.   
I bit his lower lip softly as I kissed him, remembering how much he
liked that.   His kisses became harder
and deeper and I didn’t want him to stop, but I knew we should.   We both pulled away, stared silently at each
other and quietly said our goodnights. 

It was a great date and it felt incredible to be kissed like
that again.  It made me feel happy and
put a smile on my face for several days every time I thought about it.   There isn’t a plan or a “where is this going”
conversation going on in my head right now at all.   I think we will see each other again soon
and our dates will be pretty similar to this. 
For the moment, it’s just perfect to be out with him, flirt and kiss
without having to overthink what is going to happen. 

So, “The Three Exes and a Lady” story has a happy ending
today.   Three exes, a smarter Lady, a few broken rules, closure,
sexual frustration and finally some sexy, passionate kisses – not fairytale material
necessarily, but things are getting better, much better. 

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Three Exes and a Lady

There are lots of great things happening and I can't wait to share it all with you!  First, I'd like to thank Circle of Moms for naming my blog one of the Top 25 Single Moms Blogs in the world... ya THAT world.  Sheesh, this is a pretty big deal for a new blogger like me.   I'm so honored to be among such talented company, and I am humbled that you've enjoyed being alongside me on this crazy ride.  Thank you so much for reading and all of your support, it means a lot to me.



Of course, you want to know what's going on in my personal life and I have an update...

My time sitting of on the edge of the dating pool came to an
end when I gradually dipped my toes into the water.  It wasn’t an intentional move or wasn’t a
part of a well-planned strategy, it simply just happened, organically… well,
maybe with the help of a couple of beers, but still. 

As I’ve been dating and getting smarter, I’ve developed a
few rules from my coursework at the School of Hard Knocks:  Don’t date outside of a (+ or –) 5 year age
range of my own age, Don’t rush the physical phase of a relationship and NEVER,
ever date an EX.    Rules… schmules…
rules were made to be broken, right?  

Ex #1 – The Heat of Last Summer – Latin Lover

The first of the three exes is one of your favorite and
mine, and well THE favorite of my “yummies” (my lady parts… ya THAT wink wink…)
the suave, sexy and charming “Latin Lover” from last summer.  Ours was a star crossed long distance
relationship that exploded by breaking all of the above rules and then some but
it just didn’t matter in the slightest. 
We were drawn to each other and our physical chemistry exploded from the
very first minute like a house of fire.  Whew…
I think I need a minute or two to collect my thoughts… sigh… it is really hot
in here, isn’t it? 

Latin Lover and I have been keeping in touch, very casually
and I was excited when I had an occasion to visit his city.  I didn’t know if he’d want to see me but he
eagerly welcomed me and plans were set.  
For an entire week, I was consumed by daydreams of him and what it would
be like to see him again.  I thought
about what I’d wear, what he’d look like, how romantic it would be, etc. only
to have to cancel plans the day before because of an important issue in my
son’s life.   In a moment’s time, my maturity went from a 40
something woman to a spoiled 4 year old, complete with stomping and pounding
fists. (Sexual frustration???  Maybe…)  

Latin Lover was understanding and expressed his disappointment
about the cancellation.  He handled it
with a LOT more maturity than I did.   I wallowed and pouted for a couple of days but
then eventually shook it off.

Over the next few weeks, we kept in touch and sent several
flirty texts back and forth.   It was
always exciting to hear from him, my adrenaline and my “yummies” went crazy
every time I opened a text from him.  It
was especially thrilling to get a text from him one night a couple of weeks ago
that he was in my city for a meeting and wanted to see me!   

I looked at my phone again and could barely believe what I
just read, he was HERE!  My hands shook
as I typed back my replies.   My thoughts raced and I quickly glanced at
what I had on, looked in the mirror to check my hair, I ran my hand over my
legs as I plotted in my mind how I was going to have time to shave them before
seeing him.    My thoughts were all over the place and my
heart was racing, yet the reality of the situation sucked monkey balls – my next
couple hours were committed to my oldest son and our weekly financial planning
class.  DAMMIT!!!  

Being an adult is so overrated sometimes!!!  (Initiate 4 year old temper tantrum mode in
3… 2… 1…)    I could not believe my stupid luck and wanted
to stomp around in circles and throw any object I could get my hands on.  Grrrrrrrr!

I didn’t let on to my son that anything was going on because
I know he would have felt badly and encouraged me to go out.   I was angry for hours that night, in fact I
couldn’t sleep.   All I could think about
was being next to Latin Lover again, the way he smells, how romantic he is and
how he looks at me.   It was a one person
pity party and I felt extremely bitter for being a single parent and having to
ALWAYS be the one to sacrifice having a personal life.   

I was literally cranky waking up the next morning thinking
about it and was a cranky bitch going into work, but I knew I had to force
myself to get over it.  Somehow I knew
that it was more important to be with my son that night and that if Latin Lover
really wanted to see me, he would have let me know he was coming into town with
a little more notice.  Also, it would
have been pretty lame of me to drop everything to see him, so at least I had
that delish little nugget of pride as a yummy side dish to a big ol’ helping of
sexual frustration.  Ah, denial is so
tasty, huh?

Ex #2 – Long lost love, The Dentist

I haven’t written about this ex before, I dated him a couple
of years before I started the blog.  So,
I’ll just give you the basics about him, us and what went down.   The Dentist is about 13 or so years older
than I am, financially stable and was extremely dominant in our
relationship.   This relationship was the
most serious one of all my dating experiences in my newfound single life.   Although we were together less than 6
months, marriage was in the plans and our lives were very connected. 

He enjoyed dating a younger woman and often called me his
arm candy.   We had intelligent
conversations and a lot of laughs.    It
was a total shock when he broke things off with me suddenly to go back to one
of his exgirlfriends.   Our breakup was
quite ugly and regrettably a lot of hurtful things were said.   Over the past few years, we did make a
reconciliation to be friends but there wasn’t any desire on my part to get back
together now or ever. 

He recently ended a long relationship and started chatting
me up again.  He insisted on taking me
out to dinner to catch up.  I modified
the plan for lunch and met him at a cute new bistro.   Hugs were exchanged and he complimented me
on losing weight and looking tan as we followed the hostess to our table.  We caught up on our kids and all of the
happenings of our friends and families and somehow the conversation shifted
onto us.    The light, chatty tone
quickly turned to a serious, deliberate one. 
He cupped his hands over mine, locked eyes on me and told me how he
regretted letting me go.

He continued by saying that he was a better person for
knowing me and that he has so many fond memories of the times we spent
together.   Basically, he missed me and didn’t expect me
to trust him, but he truly hoped I could again, someday.    

I had to catch my breath and sort through the emotion of
this conversation.  I stumbled through my
words and attempted a graceful tiptoe around his ego, but think I was much more
like the bull in the china shop imagery.   
I appreciated his apology and I offered some of my own for being a
post-breakup bitch, but I wasn’t actively looking to date and I really didn’t
see dating him as a possibility.   I did sprinkle
a spoonful of sugar or at least Splenda on top of those words but it obviously
wasn’t what he wanted to hear. 

His name was written in black ink in my book of Ancient
History and I’m not looking to make any revisions.   Since that lunch several weeks ago, he’s
offered to take me to more dinners, lunches, events, festivals, rodeos,
potlucks, grocery store openings, bar mitzvahs, etc.   However, I don’t think it’s fair to accept
and do the “free meal” thing and build up his hopes.   He’s also dropped hints of buying me stuff
and talked about little trips we could take.  
Of course all of this sounds fanfreakintastic right now, especially
compared to my current diet of bologna and ramen noodles, but it's not worth losing my self respect for a steak dinner.  

I've been holding my ground, trying to send clear signals and be honest, that's all I can do.  I don't feel anything romantic anymore for him and it wouldn't be fair to lead him on.   

So, that's it for Part One of Three Exes and a Lady... next part is Ex #3 and there is definitely some romance and some sizzle...  

Smooches,

The Single Mom