Cocktails, a big confession... and a couple of nibbles of "Man Candy"

 

It was a beautiful evening when I stepped out to meet “Man
Candy” at the restaurant overlooking the river.   This was our fourth date on our second go
around.  Since he’s an ex in “dating
math” that’s practically the matching sweaters stage, or at least completely
respectable to have intimate relations (translation: hot monkey sex…).   

Going into the date before this, I wasn’t exactly sure if it
was a trip to the “friend zone” or to ‘lovers lane”… but after a steamy makeout
session and blood rushing to various naughty bits, I could easily rule out the
friend zone, check.  However, the last
question I wanted to ask myself was “where are we, where is this going?”   I enjoyed this stage of flirting, kissing
and talking – there didn’t have to be any exchanges of promises or bodily
fluids for me to be happy.  In fact, I’m
trying to hold my heart back and to be honest it hasn’t been too hard because
he is too. 

I didn’t have a game plan mapped out for this date or any
specific moves.  In fact, I worked late
and had to rush getting ready for the night.  
It was a hot summer night and I wore a very sexy number that showed a
lot of cleavage and yet was sexy without being slutty.    He smiled when he saw me and greeted me
with a tight hug and a kiss.  

We were seated in the crowded restaurant, ordering drinks
and catching each other up on our days. 
Now that we are in the routine of keeping in touch every day, the
conversation flowed easily.   We talked
about the first time we dated (6 months ago) and how this time was different.  He admitted that there was so much about me
that he didn’t know the first time because he didn’t exactly give me a chance
to share a lot of myself to him.  He went
on to say that the things that he knows about me now make him like me a lot
more. 

He stopped short of thanking me per se for seeing him again,
but that it was a pleasure to get to know all my layers.   I added that the first time we dated that
when we were out, we had our hands all over each other and now we do more
talking.    I explained that one of the
reasons I agreed to see him again and to even consider a romantic reunion was
that he wasn’t the kind of man who had sex for sport.  It meant something to him and he didn’t sleep
around.   He became quiet and took a deep breath before
he confessed that he hasn’t been with anyone since we broke up in
February.  My words came slowly and I
looked down before I spoke them, then meeting his eyes again, telling him that
I hadn’t been with anyone else either.    

Our words seemed to float in the air, our eyes were locked
on each other and everything else seemed to be frozen around us.  It was one of those moments in life that
feels like a slow motion.   The heart
that I had previously been so successful holding onto was now thumping hard in
my chest.   I looked down at his mouth
approaching mine and then again at his eyes before closing my eyes.   I felt his lips and we shared a long, passionate
kiss.  The kiss seemed to make the words
official.  

We paid the check and he walked me to my car.   Finally, we had some privacy and our makeout
sesh became intense, maybe too intense for the parking garage.  We were startled by the sarcastic honk of a
passing car.  The driver obviously didn’t
care about this turning point in our relationship, whatever… lol.   

He was a little embarrassed about the passing car, but I
didn’t care and I kissed him harder, pressing him against my car.  As I kissed him, I was also mentally
processing what he told me and trying to decide if it really made a difference
or if I was exaggerating it because I wanted it to mean something.   My thoughts raced as he pulled me tighter to
him, now kissing my neck.  I could
instantly feel my defenses melt and wished I didn’t have to go home tonight, yet
knowing it was best that I did.   I
yanked him by his belt loops against me and gasped when I did, feeling his obvious
desire.

Leaving him was difficult but I knew I should.   We exchanged short kisses and as we parted,
we were reluctant to let go of each other’s hands.    The drive home was a daydream with romantic scenes
from our past, tonight and what it would be like to sleep next to him again.   Admittedly, I was loosening the tight grip
of my heart and for the moment it didn’t really seem to matter.

Thank you for reading... next date is even hotter... hubba hubba!

 

Other Awesome News!!!

I’ve been doing a regular show on a radio station and it’s
so much fun!  I talk about dating,
relationships and…    You can listen too,
or even call in and talk to me 513.579.1160.   I go on air at about 8:15ish, EST, so listen
to me if you can!  Smooches!!

http://www.realtalk1160.com/

 

Smooches!!

The Single Mom

Another Sexy Date with an eX - Man Candy

Solving for the eX....

This might come as a total shock to most of my regular
readers, but I DON’T sit around pondering String theory or the Pythagorean theorem.  However  I say with equal parts of humility and sarcasm
that I’m pretty sure I’ve uncovered a universal truth, a formula that will no doubt
put me in the same consideration as Einstein,  Socrates and Pythagorean, whoever he was.   To solve for X, it is important to break
down the Y first.  X = eX of course and Y
= WHY?  As in… “why the HELL did you dump
my ass, you douche?”   

I’ve taken a lot of heat for going back out with my ex, “Man
Candy” for a second time.  Probably
because I frequently say that going out with an ex is a bad idea and one shouldn’t
do it, unless you’re a total raving dumbass.   Also, the way we ended was abrupt and
confusing and I get that.   I digress…
but my point here is that my “rule” of not dating an ex, probably should have
some EXceptions, based on maybe the why’s of the breakup.  X-Y = a “maybe” for seeing Man Candy again.

The first time around, we did everything “smart” and “right”
leading up to having sex, didn’t rush into it and thought it was the right
decision, when we finally did the nasty. 
Well, ya that waiting thing didn’t work out so well for me now did
it?   I remember picking up the pieces of
my broken heart after all that, of course I haven’t forgotten.   A lot happened after we broke up and my life
became exponentially more stressful and dating was about the last thing on my
mind, for a long time.

To be totally upfront with you, I feel partially like being
out on a date with him now is my way of easing back into dating…. Whether
that’s right or wrong, I just feel like he’s my training wheels or
something.  I’m still trying to find my
balance and not sure that meeting someone totally new is a good idea right now. 

I’m also struggling with trying to discern if I’m being
objective about my going back to an ex and thinking about it from a lot of
different angles.  I recently got
irritated with a man I was talking to when he went back to his ex, after using
me to get through the emotional heavy lifting of the first few weeks of their
breakup.  She cheated on him with his
best friend and she had thrown a brick through a window of his truck.   Ok, so
that “Y” is because she was bat shit crazy, don’t get back together.  Duh.

So here’s what’s different with my situation with “Man Candy”,
since we broke up he had a dose of reality, not meeting anyone that he remotely
liked and had doubts about why he let me go. 
He also had a monumental life changing event that I’ll tell you more
about in a second… but suffice it to say that he’s rethinking a lot.   I know, I know… I feel your cynicism and I
agree, I have it too.   Yet, I’m being
different and smarter, holding back a lot myself and truly dating him to have
fun.  Crazy thought, huh?  Yeah.  
I’m at a different place than I have been, maybe ever.   I mean don’t get me wrong if things go well,
I’m open to that, just not losing any sleep about it. 

Speaking of sleep, It was a coincidence, but I texted him on
a day last week that one of his close friends was killed in a car accident – I
happened to get his text with this news while I was sound asleep.    I could tell he was upset from the tone and
my sleepy brain woke up to answer his text with concern and I invited him to
call me even though it was very late.   He hasn’t called me for a long time and I was
shocked when a few minutes later he did.  
He went on and on about the car accident, the details and how it made
big news and the driver that killed him was being irresponsible, essentially he
rambled and I listened.  He was angry and
understandably so. 

He talked about his friend’s son left behind and the wife,
memories of them in college and playing ball through the years.   His voice cracked and so did mine as I tried
to find words to console him, keeping my voice down to not wake up my boys down
the hall.   We talked until after 1:00
and when we signed off he seemed genuinely grateful that I was there to talk to
him. 

Over the next few days, we traded texts and I could tell how
hard he was taking it.  He didn’t want to
talk, he was fighting the darkness, hard.   It broke my heart, honestly and yet I knew he
wanted and probably needed space.   The
funeral was almost a week later, and that had to just make it feel like it was an
eternity, ugh.    I let it go and stopped making the first move
to reach out to him.   He knew I cared
but I didn’t want to smother him either, it was a fine line.    I’m also walking this fine line with him to
not put me dead in the friend zone either. 
  

Simultaneously, my emotions were going through a bit of a
rollercoaster.   I’m dealing with some
teenage rebellion issues from my oldest son and also fighting some of my own
dormant grief from my mom’s death.  In a
nutshell, I’ve been emotional lately and going through this alongside Man Candy
reminded me how short life is and how I vowed to make sure I never forgot that,
though I honestly have.

I was inspired by all this emotion to actually have
feelings, and actually do something about having them… haha.   So, I did something that wasn’t a huge risk
but enough of one for me… I wrote on my personal Facebook page (he is one of my
friends on it) something about how life is short and not to take people for
granted.   He’s rarely on Facebook and I didn’t do it
exactly to inception his brain, I just kind of put it out there, so to speak.

The following day, he sent me a text inviting me out for a
drink after work.   I had to juggle some things around, but was
pretty sure I could make it.   Luckily I
had makeup with me at work and something cute, but not slutty to wear.   I primped and was excited to see him, but
again not sure if this was consoling a friend or a date.   Either way, I hunkered down prepared for
either scenario.

We set up a meeting nearby on the river, it was a gorgeous
night.  I was in a great mood singing
along with the radio but planning what to say. 
The song on the radio was some mindless pop song, the chorus was “I want
you back… I want you back, wa wa want you back…”   When I realized what I was singing I
switched the song quickly and made a sarcastic face, convincing myself for a
second (or less) that I didn’t want him back…  

When I arrived, he greeted me warmly, smiled and hugged me
very close and long.   I followed him to a table overlooking the
river.   We ordered drinks and snacks and the
conversation flowed easily.   I started
first, updating him about some pretty big news going on in my life,  and he was really excited for me.  He was supportive and listened intently.    We laughed, talked easily and the drinks
were kicking in.    He started opening up
about his friend,  his voice cracked as
he spoke, and he looked directly at me as he explained what happened.  I listened as he shared memories of his
friend and how this was the hardest loss he’s experienced, mostly because of
the shock.   I shared how my mom died suddenly and how that
was hard and I could somewhat understand his loss.  

We talked for hours, literally about everything.    It felt good talking to him and I know
although he is a communicative man, that he doesn’t have a lot of people he can
freely express himself to like this.   His icy grey eyes were locked on me as I kept
my attention on him and well I’m not gonna lie, I did notice the way his
muscles looked under his shirt.   He
teased me about my leopard print shirt and it was obvious that he was looking
at the way my chest filled out the tightly fitting shirt. 

The waiter came to freshen our drinks and I ran to the
ladies room for a minute, as this was a natural break to step away.   I freshened up my lipgloss and chewed a
breath mint as I walked back to our table. 
 

I teasingly pinched his arm for teasing me about my shirt a
few minutes ago.   He smiled and his arms quickly swept around my
waist as he drew me tightly to him in a long passionate kiss, perhaps
inappropriate kiss.   We were oblivious
to those around us and it felt like his kisses were melting me, our bodies were
against each other tightly and it was probably too intense for the
setting.  We took a short break to
continue the pinching and teasing, but started kissing again in the middle of a
sentence.    Obviously what we had to say wasn’t more
important than kissing.

He paid for the drinks and we left, to see an overlook of
the river and the beautiful night’s sky. 
The stars were shining and several boats were out on the river, and the
city in the background was beautifully lighting up the sky.    We kissed a few times, stronger and harder
than before at  the table, my hands found
his front jeans pockets and pulled his body against mine as his mouth engulfed
mine.   As I kissed him, I bit his lower
lip and he groaned in pleasure and pulled me tighter against him. 

He must have caught himself and realized that we should walk
towards our cars.    When we found my car, he immediately started
kissing me and pushed me forcefully against my car.  He stopped and looked at me, glared at me even
as he ran his hands through my hair, pulling it all to one side as he yanked it
hard and then planted another forceful kiss on my expectant mouth.  His body pressed hard against me as I felt
his passion for me growing. 

The voices of another couple walking by us made him pull
back and stop kissing me.  I shot him a
disapproving glare as I yanked him tightly against me again by his
pockets.     I then kissed him hard,
pulling his chest against mine and biting his lip again.   His
hands swept around my ass, pulling me against him, he made sure I felt the
force of him, grinding slightly against me. 
I moaned slightly, uncontrollably as my memory recalled how he felt
inside me.  My body wanted to continue
with that memory, but my brain was fighting it. 
 As we kissed, I tasted blood and
made a little joke about it between more kisses and nibbles.   

We said our goodnights, and I headed home with a smile on my
face but my brain still intact in my head.   Thank you for reading!

Smooches,

The Single Mom

What we’ve learned from Fifty Shades of Grey

In just a few words:  women
are horny.  Please allow me to expand on
my hypothesis…

I don’t remember the first time this book popped into my
consciousness, but it seemed to be like a typhoon in my conservative, upper
income, suburb.   My neighborhood friends
were all hot and bothered by it, lighting up Facebook, posting statuses that
rivaled the passion of someone sportin a new SUV on the cul de sac.    It reminded me of when my junior high
passed around a copy of The Amityville
Horror and the hysteria that book inspired in my junior high.   Yet this was a different hysteria and I
can’t help but to put my own sarcastic and irreverent spin on the horny
housewife humpfest summer of 2012…

This book opened up a sexual Pandora’s Box that has touched
many a nerve… well and maybe a few specific nerves… wink wink.   I’ve been invited to women’s sex toy parties
inspired by this book and Magic Mike parties.     My married friends were disappointed that
I didn’t join them to see this oiled up six pack and man meat
gyrations on the big screen.  

I admit it sounds kinda good, but having a night out to
indulge in a fantasy isn’t as necessary for me as it is to them, I haven’t been
waking up to the same dude for 20 plus years like they have.   To restate this in my totally mature writing
voice: “nanananabooboo”.

If this Shades of Grey
craziness has taught me anything, it’s that a lot of middle age women have a
sexual craving that isn’t being fulfilled or even expressed.   How sad is that?    It’s easy to talk about going to see a hot, greased
up, sexy dude in a G-string shake his man meat, but it’s far more difficult to
talk about the deeper longing some women apparently have.    

The role I play for my married friends is the guinea pig.    Their curiosity was peaked after reading 50 Shades
and they asked me if the s&m sexual relationship like the one portrayed in
the book was “normal” out there in dating land. 
 A few of them were so aroused by
the dominance in the book that they wanted to experiment with it in their own
bedrooms.    Maybe make it their own in a freaky, married,
missionary style wackiness, but still. 

It hit me in a profound way once I thought about it from a
totally different perspective.   Men are
portrayed as sexual beasts and it’s accepted as a reality in our culture to
some extent an expectation that men are driven by sexual urges – encouraged even.
  Yet, when a woman has the same urges
and God forbid acts upon them, our society is quick to throw a label all over
her.   Think about what words we have to describe a
sexually active man, I can’t think of one. 
Yet compare that to what we call the same woman: slut, whore, loose,
etc…  

We’ve come a long way since being a little hard on the
Beaver last night and cooking dinner wearing a string of pearls, but how do we
go further?   Obviously, talking about it is a huge
step.   Next, how do we remove the stigma
that a sexual woman isn’t something hideous? 
 I’d like to throw a challenge out
there to anyone reading this that you pause and think about it next time you instinctively
label a woman for being sexual.  

Here’s my 2 pennies:  for
me being sexual works better when there are some boundaries, not platinum and
diamond ones, but some.   For starters I
need, respect, attraction, understanding or in a pinch tequila.   It
just works better I’m not going to have to not make eye contact with someone or
I’m worried that I’ll never hear from the dude again.  Wishful thinking?  Yes of course, but I’m going to always go for
what I want.

I encourage you to push out your comfort zone a little, think about
expanding your bedroom routine.   I can
tell you that since being single and being at the smorgasbord, I’ve liked a few
things put on my plate… wink, wink.   

Thank you for reading and have a little fun out there.

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Three Exes and a Lady (Part Two) - Sexy Dates with "Man Candy"

Ex #3 – Man Candy

You may remember “Man Candy” from earlier this year.  We were developing a close, fun and
passionate bond during the cold days and nights of winter.    I was
just beginning to envision him in my life but was blindsided when things
abruptly ended between us.  One of his
biggest reasons for ending it was the distance between us and how much I
work.    In the months that have passed, my work
assignment has taken me to a location about 5 minutes from where he lives,
compared to the daunting 45 minute barrier we had in the past. 

One night several weeks ago after a long day at work, my
coworkers and I had a beer or two to put the day behind us.  (Enter the dreaded drunk text… yup!   I’m taking full advantage of a low alcohol
tolerance and “Mr. Coors” is the beer that made me do this ill-advised move.)  Mr. Coors told me it was a GREAT idea to text
Man Candy and that he was eagerly awaiting a text from me.   Unfortunately, I totally listened to him and
took his advice.    The pithy, little
text gem of 140 characters or less said something like ”hey I work near where
you live and you should meet me for a drink sometime”.  Of course it wouldn’t be a drunk text without
sloppy spelling mistakes and a smiley face using a colon and a parenthesis.   Duh, I keep it classy like that, people.

Imagine how surprised I was about 20 minutes later to open
his reply telling me that he’d like to do that sometime soon.   Score one for the drunk girl:  Whoooo!!!  
Although it was great hearing back from him, I didn’t expect anything
really except a enjoying a summer night overlooking the river and casual chit
chat over a beer.   I was careful to not let myself have any
daydreams of us running at each other with arms wide open across a daisy field
or anything else remotely like it.  This
was just going to be a casual beer, no biggie. 

He texted early the next week to set up a time to get
together and we made plans for the next night.    He suggested the little spot on the river,
near my office.   Admittedly, I did primp
quite a bit, wore something cute but not trashy and rocked the extra high
heels.   As I ran into a coworker on the way out, she
commented on how nice I looked,  I
thought she was just noticing that I looked different since I usually don’t
wear much makeup.    I told her I was
meeting an ex for a drink and was careful to NOT use the word “date”.   

He was waiting outside the bar for me, looked great and
greeted me nicely with a hug.  Admittedly, the first
few minutes were slightly awkward.   My
mindset was self-protective and completely different than the first time I met
him.   In the first few minutes, I was
trying to decide if I was still attracted to him.  I couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking
the same as I sipped on my beer.

We were seated outside on the patio overlooking the river on
a beautiful summer night.  We talked
about our kids, jobs and lives in general. 
Basically, we caught each other up on the past several months.   The tone was unusually serious, which was a
little odd for our typical conversations. 
I think we were both being cautious instead of having a good time and
enjoying ourselves. 

When the conversation moved into our personal lives, he
shared that he isn’t seeing anyone and has had really awful luck in the dating
world lately.   He said things like
“giving up” and I could tell that he meant it.  
I explained that I’ve been working hard and not actively dating much.   We talked and shared for a few hours, with no
awkward silences.   I was intentionally very careful to not flirt
or send any kind of message that I was interested in seeing him again.    

The night flew by and he walked me toward the
elevators.   The sky was beautiful and we
were surrounded by people out enjoying the evening.  

We exchanged a nice hug and I was shocked when he turned his
face and kissed me.  I was caught off
guard and it was a little bit of an awkward kiss at first, but ended much
better.    He said he’d like to get together again
sometime if I’d be open for that.    I
quickly nodded and made a fast exit.  

As I got into my car, I couldn’t help myself but I was
excited, maybe giddy even.  I had a long
drive home and thought of him most of the time.   The
kiss was completely unexpected and it struck me that it had been a long time
that one kiss had been such a big deal.  
It made me realize that I’ve sometimes moved too fast and enjoying the
moment of a goodnight kiss was a pure and simple pleasure.

Over the next few weeks, we kept in touch here and there but
couldn’t actually get together until just last week.  We planned a date, meeting after I was
finished at work on a Friday night.    I
had to be up very early the next day, but having a drink and male company was
worth getting a little less sleep.

I took several minutes in the restroom to straighten my
hair, apply makeup, spray my vanilla perfume in strategic places and put on my
sexy heels before I left to meet him.    It was a great day at work and I was in a
silly mood and was a little excited to see him. 

It took me a few minutes to spot him, but saw him drinking a
beer and watching a baseball game seated at the bar.   I walked over to join him and he greeted me
with a nice long hug.   A waitress took
my order in a few minutes and delivered my beer quickly as we jumped right into
a conversation.    I’m not sure if he was
in a great mood or if my silliness rubbed off on him, but we were cracking each
other up.  It was random and probably
borderline immature conversation, but completely fun and light.  

I know I didn’t intentionally touch his thigh, but when I
casually placed it there as I was trying to make a point; I froze for a few
seconds.  I caught myself and for a few
moments I didn’t know what to do.   He
picked up on my fear and, smiled not seeming to mind in the slightest.   The chemistry between us was building, and as
the night continued, we were sitting noticeably closer. 

We were having a lot of fun and chatting about the sports we
were watching.   He was teasing me in a
playful way and it started to feel like the connection we had the first time
had returned.    Some of the
conversations were continuations of things we teased each other about this past
winter.  It started to feel very natural
to be together again and things were flowing smoothly between us. 

I didn’t want to end the evening and I stayed out longer
than I planned to, but it was time for me to say goodnight.   He walked me out and this time I noticed he
placed his hand gently on the small of my back as he guided me out of the
restaurant.   

It was a clear night, lots of people around and faint music
in the background.   He walked me to the
elevator where we had to go our separate ways. 
He jokingly offered me his knuckles to do a knuckle bump as our
goodnight exchange.   I looked at him
with a furrowed brow and pursed lips to express my dislike. 

He quickly swept his arms around my waist, drew me in close
and kissed me.    He kissed me
romantically and softly at first but it became increasingly more
passionate.    We broke our kiss and
looked at each other, I was quite aware of the dreamy look I had on my
face.  He smiled at me, and seemed to be
laughing at me about the expression on my face. 
 

He quickly pulled me against him again and began kissing me
passionately where the last kiss left off.   
I bit his lower lip softly as I kissed him, remembering how much he
liked that.   His kisses became harder
and deeper and I didn’t want him to stop, but I knew we should.   We both pulled away, stared silently at each
other and quietly said our goodnights. 

It was a great date and it felt incredible to be kissed like
that again.  It made me feel happy and
put a smile on my face for several days every time I thought about it.   There isn’t a plan or a “where is this going”
conversation going on in my head right now at all.   I think we will see each other again soon
and our dates will be pretty similar to this. 
For the moment, it’s just perfect to be out with him, flirt and kiss
without having to overthink what is going to happen. 

So, “The Three Exes and a Lady” story has a happy ending
today.   Three exes, a smarter Lady, a few broken rules, closure,
sexual frustration and finally some sexy, passionate kisses – not fairytale material
necessarily, but things are getting better, much better. 

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Three Exes and a Lady

There are lots of great things happening and I can't wait to share it all with you!  First, I'd like to thank Circle of Moms for naming my blog one of the Top 25 Single Moms Blogs in the world... ya THAT world.  Sheesh, this is a pretty big deal for a new blogger like me.   I'm so honored to be among such talented company, and I am humbled that you've enjoyed being alongside me on this crazy ride.  Thank you so much for reading and all of your support, it means a lot to me.



Of course, you want to know what's going on in my personal life and I have an update...

My time sitting of on the edge of the dating pool came to an
end when I gradually dipped my toes into the water.  It wasn’t an intentional move or wasn’t a
part of a well-planned strategy, it simply just happened, organically… well,
maybe with the help of a couple of beers, but still. 

As I’ve been dating and getting smarter, I’ve developed a
few rules from my coursework at the School of Hard Knocks:  Don’t date outside of a (+ or –) 5 year age
range of my own age, Don’t rush the physical phase of a relationship and NEVER,
ever date an EX.    Rules… schmules…
rules were made to be broken, right?  

Ex #1 – The Heat of Last Summer – Latin Lover

The first of the three exes is one of your favorite and
mine, and well THE favorite of my “yummies” (my lady parts… ya THAT wink wink…)
the suave, sexy and charming “Latin Lover” from last summer.  Ours was a star crossed long distance
relationship that exploded by breaking all of the above rules and then some but
it just didn’t matter in the slightest. 
We were drawn to each other and our physical chemistry exploded from the
very first minute like a house of fire.  Whew…
I think I need a minute or two to collect my thoughts… sigh… it is really hot
in here, isn’t it? 

Latin Lover and I have been keeping in touch, very casually
and I was excited when I had an occasion to visit his city.  I didn’t know if he’d want to see me but he
eagerly welcomed me and plans were set.  
For an entire week, I was consumed by daydreams of him and what it would
be like to see him again.  I thought
about what I’d wear, what he’d look like, how romantic it would be, etc. only
to have to cancel plans the day before because of an important issue in my
son’s life.   In a moment’s time, my maturity went from a 40
something woman to a spoiled 4 year old, complete with stomping and pounding
fists. (Sexual frustration???  Maybe…)  

Latin Lover was understanding and expressed his disappointment
about the cancellation.  He handled it
with a LOT more maturity than I did.   I wallowed and pouted for a couple of days but
then eventually shook it off.

Over the next few weeks, we kept in touch and sent several
flirty texts back and forth.   It was
always exciting to hear from him, my adrenaline and my “yummies” went crazy
every time I opened a text from him.  It
was especially thrilling to get a text from him one night a couple of weeks ago
that he was in my city for a meeting and wanted to see me!   

I looked at my phone again and could barely believe what I
just read, he was HERE!  My hands shook
as I typed back my replies.   My thoughts raced and I quickly glanced at
what I had on, looked in the mirror to check my hair, I ran my hand over my
legs as I plotted in my mind how I was going to have time to shave them before
seeing him.    My thoughts were all over the place and my
heart was racing, yet the reality of the situation sucked monkey balls – my next
couple hours were committed to my oldest son and our weekly financial planning
class.  DAMMIT!!!  

Being an adult is so overrated sometimes!!!  (Initiate 4 year old temper tantrum mode in
3… 2… 1…)    I could not believe my stupid luck and wanted
to stomp around in circles and throw any object I could get my hands on.  Grrrrrrrr!

I didn’t let on to my son that anything was going on because
I know he would have felt badly and encouraged me to go out.   I was angry for hours that night, in fact I
couldn’t sleep.   All I could think about
was being next to Latin Lover again, the way he smells, how romantic he is and
how he looks at me.   It was a one person
pity party and I felt extremely bitter for being a single parent and having to
ALWAYS be the one to sacrifice having a personal life.   

I was literally cranky waking up the next morning thinking
about it and was a cranky bitch going into work, but I knew I had to force
myself to get over it.  Somehow I knew
that it was more important to be with my son that night and that if Latin Lover
really wanted to see me, he would have let me know he was coming into town with
a little more notice.  Also, it would
have been pretty lame of me to drop everything to see him, so at least I had
that delish little nugget of pride as a yummy side dish to a big ol’ helping of
sexual frustration.  Ah, denial is so
tasty, huh?

Ex #2 – Long lost love, The Dentist

I haven’t written about this ex before, I dated him a couple
of years before I started the blog.  So,
I’ll just give you the basics about him, us and what went down.   The Dentist is about 13 or so years older
than I am, financially stable and was extremely dominant in our
relationship.   This relationship was the
most serious one of all my dating experiences in my newfound single life.   Although we were together less than 6
months, marriage was in the plans and our lives were very connected. 

He enjoyed dating a younger woman and often called me his
arm candy.   We had intelligent
conversations and a lot of laughs.    It
was a total shock when he broke things off with me suddenly to go back to one
of his exgirlfriends.   Our breakup was
quite ugly and regrettably a lot of hurtful things were said.   Over the past few years, we did make a
reconciliation to be friends but there wasn’t any desire on my part to get back
together now or ever. 

He recently ended a long relationship and started chatting
me up again.  He insisted on taking me
out to dinner to catch up.  I modified
the plan for lunch and met him at a cute new bistro.   Hugs were exchanged and he complimented me
on losing weight and looking tan as we followed the hostess to our table.  We caught up on our kids and all of the
happenings of our friends and families and somehow the conversation shifted
onto us.    The light, chatty tone
quickly turned to a serious, deliberate one. 
He cupped his hands over mine, locked eyes on me and told me how he
regretted letting me go.

He continued by saying that he was a better person for
knowing me and that he has so many fond memories of the times we spent
together.   Basically, he missed me and didn’t expect me
to trust him, but he truly hoped I could again, someday.    

I had to catch my breath and sort through the emotion of
this conversation.  I stumbled through my
words and attempted a graceful tiptoe around his ego, but think I was much more
like the bull in the china shop imagery.   
I appreciated his apology and I offered some of my own for being a
post-breakup bitch, but I wasn’t actively looking to date and I really didn’t
see dating him as a possibility.   I did sprinkle
a spoonful of sugar or at least Splenda on top of those words but it obviously
wasn’t what he wanted to hear. 

His name was written in black ink in my book of Ancient
History and I’m not looking to make any revisions.   Since that lunch several weeks ago, he’s
offered to take me to more dinners, lunches, events, festivals, rodeos,
potlucks, grocery store openings, bar mitzvahs, etc.   However, I don’t think it’s fair to accept
and do the “free meal” thing and build up his hopes.   He’s also dropped hints of buying me stuff
and talked about little trips we could take.  
Of course all of this sounds fanfreakintastic right now, especially
compared to my current diet of bologna and ramen noodles, but it's not worth losing my self respect for a steak dinner.  

I've been holding my ground, trying to send clear signals and be honest, that's all I can do.  I don't feel anything romantic anymore for him and it wouldn't be fair to lead him on.   

So, that's it for Part One of Three Exes and a Lady... next part is Ex #3 and there is definitely some romance and some sizzle...  

Smooches,

The Single Mom

Breaking my "Man Fast"

So, I’ve been on this self induced dating break, well more
accurately, a break from ALL emotions, ties, friendships, laughter and joy, yup
that just about sums it up.  Maybe I’m
exaggerating a just little, but there for awhile in late spring I was in the
middle of extremely stressful legal stuff 
with my ex about child support. 
As a result I got to take lots of super fun trips to court and have many
legal mumbo jumbo good times, essentially a big barrel of monkeys.   In addition to working like a total nut job
and having my kids all the time, the stress was unbearable and I was sinking
deeper into this abyss of stinky doggie doo and I was seeing no way out, or
even wanting one, really.

It was every bit as miserable as it sounds and was making me
a cranky bitch to be around, no doubt.  
I stopped writing and became a work robot, hating it but feeling so
angry at my ex and the situation that he created that I never wanted to put
myself “out there” emotionally again – not with friends, not with a dude, I
only wanted to work and be with my kids. 
 That plan was working really good
for me for several weeks.

Ironically, what pulled me out of this “man fast”, was… you
guessed it, a man.  Nice irony there, huh?   It
happened completely innocently and despite my best efforts to defend myself
from it.   I actually met him and another
guy at an after hours work event that I had to attend, blech.   I started talking to them because they are
both local police officers in the area and I thought they’d be good to
know.  

Ironically, both men were also going through nasty divorce
issues and we were all exchanging “I hate the other sex” stories, sounds like
fun, huh?    This lil fiesta o’ hate went
on and we all were talking and laughing, but I was intentionally NOT flirting
and had my sex kitten super powers on lockdown.   In fact, I left them at the super secret SMD
headquarters cave, locked in the vault.

I didn’t think much about this little chit chat session ,
said my goodbyes and headed home.    It
wasn’t until the next day that the younger, more good looking officer kept doing
obvious flybys near my office.   We’d
talk and for the next few days it was basically an extension of our cranky ex
stories from the first night.    Our
convos were peppered with some random bitching about life, his boss and the
like but nothing major.

His little crush started becoming obvious to my coworkers
because he’d find any reason to stop by and chat with me, but I was careful to
not let my walls come down to this potential intruder.   I’d
just get a few more kitties to reinforce my crazy cat lady status and would
shoooo off this dude like it never happened.  
Well, that was my plan and it sounded good, anyway.

There was something about him that made me feel safe, not
just his uniform and stuff, but emotionally safe.  I couldn’t explain it but I found myself
trusting him and opening up to him about things that I don’t normally
share.  I was vulnerable with him for
some odd reason and it was great having someone to talk to who didn’t seem like
he judged me and that he understood where I was also.

The more my coworkers teased me about his crush on me, the
more it started to chip away at my fears to like him.  Looking back now, I think that I rationalized
that if he liked me enough to be obvious about it in front of my coworkers,
that his feelings were probably legit. 

One day after only knowing him a couple of weeks,  he accidently blurted out, “I like you”.   It was so incredibly sweet and it changed
the way I felt about him.   I looked
down, blushed and started to like him even more.   

He was being vulnerable with me and it made me feel like a
13 year old little girl.    Well, let me
correct that, I felt like a 13 year old girl with the dating street smarts of a
40 something woman – perfect combination, huh?    I was very careful to let him set the pace,
not at all like what I’d normally do.  I
was able to wait for him to come to me and found it irresistible one day when
he found a flimsy work reason to give me his number. 

The first day we started texting, I was cautious to not be
too flirty (ie sexual) too fast.   His
personality is very different than mine, he’s very literal and I’m anything
but; so it was sometimes hard to know if he understood me through text.   He was flirty with me but nothing too over
the top.   It was becoming like a
friendship that was evolving into more, naturally.  My excitement was growing and I looked
forward to seeing him during the day. 

One day, I started getting texts from a number I didn’t know
and it was obvious that it was someone from my new workplace.  This person talked about some of the events
going on and how pretty I am, etc.  It
was harmless and I thought I knew who it was but I was still extremely creeped
out.   

I then felt like I had to let my crush know about it since
it was a safety issue.   He was extremely
protective of me and swooped in to make sure I was safe.    I texted him about it right when it started
happening and honestly when I saw him the next day, I wanted to fall into his
arms and have him hold me tight.  I tried
to act like it didn’t bother me much, but truth is that it freaked me out.  I didn’t give the stalker my number, he
watched me a lot and it bothered me.   However,
I tried to hold onto my SMD bravado and act tough.   I’m pretty sure he saw right through it.

I’d love to tell you that he swept me off like a scene from
The Bodyguard and whisked me off into a sunset, but sadly that isn’t how this
story ends.  Actually, it basically just
ends.   The stalker person stopped
texting me right after I asked him to, which was good.  I can’t help it that I sometimes still wonder
if he watches me, but I can’t let it bother me too much.

As for my crush he was in the process of a transfer  and our flirtation ended abruptly,
inexplicably in fact.   It seemed like it
was going somewhere, slowly, deliberately and carefully, but somewhere at
least.   Truth is, it just didn’t go
anywhere.    After several weeks of
seeing him every day a few times a day, then texting for a few weeks it was
just over.  Once he transferred, he just
disconnected and it seemed really odd.

I’m not sure how to even begin to understand it but the one
positive take away is that although this junior high flirtation didn’t go
anywhere, it did help me to bring out my superdooper sex kitten super powers
again from the vault.   The flirtation was a fun little distraction
and it was flattering that this younger, good looking man was interested in
me.   However, I was starting to feel
close to him and see the possibility of us seeing each other and it hurt a
little because I was starting to think I mattered to him.  I guess not.

Maybe  the better news
for me, anyway is that it has brought me back to writing again.   I had an epiphany one day recently that the
reason I stopped writing is that I didn’t want to feel anything anymore.  Writing causes me to name my feelings,
describe my highs and lows and I just didn’t want to feel anything or be
vulnerable for awhile.    Fortunately, I
think I’m over that hurdle now.   
Unfortunately, my time is very limited and my stress is abundant… so I
don’t have a lot of time to A) date or B) write about dates, but at least I’m
not a raging, cranky bitch.

I’m rockin the high heels, batting the eyelashes and
enjoying the HELL out of being single this summer.   I have
a couple other little crushes in the works and I’ve had a couple of
“dates”…   (The “dates” are with ex’s,
one who wants to reconcile badly, another who is deep in the emotional cave I
was in and saddest of all, a cancelled date with the man who set my heart and
my junk on fire last summer, Latin Lover… 
I’ll get you up to speed soon, I promise.) 

So thank you for reading, I hope your summer is hot and
steamy, wink wink.

Smooches,

The Single Mom 

Guide to Dating a Divorced Woman

You have a dating with a divorced woman is completely different to go out with someone who has not married. You have to take into account the experience and emotions that the person has lived and that your relationship has failed. If the woman is divorced there may be a series of emotions from hatred, even before the talk or you can view as a new opportunity to find his true love.

♦ Be honest and open. Many women who have gone through the marriage know what they want and usually do not have much patience with immature men or those who do not grasp the point. For example, take the conversation to a place where say you frankly what you expect to find and what you have to offer. If you do not, you'll probably lose it and get with someone that is firmer than you want.

♦ Be prepared! Divorced women are the scars of their previous relationship. It may that she has been in contact with her former husband for a considerable time and may have developed an impatience for deficiencies. In addition there is the possibility that she has children that at some point you'll need to know.

♦ She can see through you. For example, if you only are interested in an occasional event and aren't making a connection more emotional, she will refuse to continue exiting with you if you want something more.

♦ Have steady hand and be prepared to heal wounds. She must be taking a pretty additional burden by a previous marriage that did not work. Be angry by any things without sense, so you must be ready to handle their ups and downs emotional. Let you speak, then let it calms down and continue watching, if it is your desire.

♦ Know where to draw the line. Divorced women are highly demanding, therefore you need to know when to leave everything and understand it. This all depends on how much you're willing to tolerate, despite the fact that she is the person that you want to be.